Nov/Dec
2063
Joels Bastards Win Somerset Combat League

The Somerset Combat League finished, with Joels Bastards taking the overall victory and a prize of $240000. The runners-up were Scarzams Dragoons, and finishing in third place overall were PA Racers.

Longos Merry Men Win Gateway Pedestrian Combat League

The Gateway Pedestrian Combat League finished, with Longos Merry Men taking the overall victory and a prize of $175000. The runners-up were Caesars Ghosts, and finishing in third place overall were Iron Wraiths.

Morgan Sacked!

Reports indicate that the isolated town of Morgan has been sacked by local pirates. Numerous resources, weapons and vehicles were lost to the raiders.

Renshai Win Evan Race Ladder

The Evan Race Ladder finished, with Renshai taking the overall victory and a prize of $90000. The runners-up were Blue Giants, and finishing in third place overall were Dark Guardians.

Frontline Assembly Win Evan Deathrace Ladder

The Evan Deathrace Ladder finished, with Frontline Assembly taking the overall victory and a prize of $90000. The runners-up were Coolerheads, and finishing in third place overall were MADHAT.

Coolerheads Win Evan Arena Combat Ladder

The Evan Arena Combat Ladder finished, with Coolerheads taking the overall victory and a prize of $90000. The runners-up were Joels Bastards, and finishing in third place overall were -^-HellRazors-^-.

Brooke's Tale

*PART 10*



Chasity Orth stared at her radio for a long moment, her brain spinning. Her hands, meanwhile, did not pause in shoving rockets into the reload slot of her launcher and rotating the cylinder. Once a plan crystallized, she hit her transmit stud. "Delay, break off. Lay some spikes at mile marker eighty-five. Get on the horn to the Task Force and give them the details, then head back to town. Tell Williams I'll be on the channel with him soon."




Two clicks came over the channel, Strang's non-verbal affirmative, and Chasity went on, "All Recon units, regroup and reload. We're heading along the road into the hills. Form up on me."




A chorus of acknowledgements filled the radio channel, and 'Dynamite' James Brown turned Tarantula toward the road. As the Voyager turned, Orth saw the Scavenger Moray kill the last Slaver, its machine guns sending a Sonic hatchback tumbling boot-over-bonnet across the dunes. The Recon squadron quickly formed into a rough formation around the Voyagers. Orth switched to the channel she used as liaison with Williams, just as Strang was finishing his report, "-be dropping spikes at mile marker eighty-five. Then we'll head back to Somerset. Boss's orders."




"Acknowledged, Delay," Williams' voice replied, sounding peeved. "Good luck, and travel safe. Command to Recon, where the hell are you?"




Orth keyed her radio. "Right here, Command," she said. "We've regrouped, and at full strength. We're heading south, eighteen miles away from the Slaver force along their current heading. With our speed, we should be able to stay out of their engagement range indefinitely."




"Roger that, Recon," Williams growled. She could hear the disdain unspoken in his voice: What good are you, you cowardly little speed-heads, running away while the real men do the heavy work? "I want you east of the road. Hole up in sight of Route Seven next to your spikes and wait for orders."




"Roger that Command." Orth grimaced. Lovely. No 'good job' for finding the Slaver column, or rescuing that convoy, or hell, killing a dozen-plus hostiles. Oh well, at least I'll demand a good share of the loot.




She switched back to the Recon channel. "Delay, report."




Strang came back almost immediately. "We broke free, we're on our way. "




"Acknowledged." Orth paused and consulted the small map installed in her car's center console. "All, we're heading back to rip up some Slavers. Four, are there any good ambush points in striking range of this valley?"




"There are, want me to lead?"




"Sure, Four. Take the lead and get us to them. We may need to distract the Slaver column after it hits Strang's spikes."


"Roger that." Off to her right, Orth saw Kestrel break formation and turn around, dust and rocks flying from under its wheels. She gripped her rocket launcher as Tarantula started its own turn.




###




Kestrel led the column off the road, up one ridge and down another into a broad, shallow basin, which was studded with white and gray rocks, slowly eroding under the desert's wind and sand. Once the Recon squadron parked, the dust cloud kicked up by their tires dropped and settled all around them. Mellie spun Kestrel around and dropped her speed to a crawl, then drove slowly up the ridge and stopped just short of the crest, where Mellie and Brooke could overlook the road as it emerged from the dunes to the north, wound along the bottom of the valley, and disappeared below the crest of the slope to the south.




She killed the engine, leaving only the sound of the breeze whistling through the steel mesh in Kestrel's vision slits. A crunching behind them heralded Hawk coming up and parking behind Kestrel. The rest of the column parked at the base of the slope.




Delay appeared on the ridge to Brooke's right and drove across the highway valley, first the blue Phoenix Rattlesnake, followed closely by the black Voyager Shaman, which was jinking back and forth across the sand in what looked like an evasive pattern. "Are they being chased?" Brooke asked, jerking upright and taking hold of her gun.




"Nope." Mellie pointed. "They're dropping spikes. Watch." As Shaman crossed the road, Brooke saw tiny glitters tumbling across the road behind it, like a sprinkling of fairy dust. "Swerving from side to side spreads the spikes out wider, and makes them harder to avoid. Ulmer's really good at this stuff."




Delay finished laying spikes, and angled up the other slope of the valley toward Somerset. Very quickly they were lost to sight, only a faint cloud of dust betraying their position. "Good hunting, Recon," Strang called over the radio.




"Drive safe, Delay," Orth called back. "Recon Four, call in when you see Slavers."




Mellie tapped her radio stud, tilted her seat back, and crossed her arms behind her head to make a cushion. "That thinking look hasn't left your face since we left Somerset. Spill, Brooke."




Brooke eased her hands off her gun's grips, and ran her fingers through her hair. "They... the Slavers... attacked Haven Market. I was... just hoping my family's alright."




"Those idiots who were about to sell you off to the Hanlins? They're not your family. We are."




Brooke sighed, remembering playing with her youngest brother Paul, his shrieks of delight as she carried him on her back through the pecan grove, his little feet kicking in her hands. "It's not that simple, Mellie. It wasn't all bad there."





"Hmph." Mellie shifted in her seat. "Well, Slavers don't kill unless someone's shooting at them. I mean, accidents happen, but slaves are worth much more than corpses. So if they took anyone, they're probably alive. But until we beat this band, you keep your head in the game, ah?"




"I will." The silence stretched uncomfortably, with the wind making eerie noises as it whistled through the slits in Kestrel's armor, like disjointed music from somewhere far away. "So... how did you meet Lorna?"




Mellie shifted again, a little twitch of her shoulders, then spoke, in halting phrases. "Soon after I joined the Legion... I realized what I was. There are a couple... other women like me like me in Somerset, you know? And I bounced around them for a bit. By the way, if the nuns of Cestus Dei invite you to a 'prayer meeting,' it's not what it sounds like. And they're never offended if you say no." Mellie grinned wickedly at some memory Brooke couldn't guess, then went on, with more energy, "But you were asking about Lorna. I was gunning for 'Speedy' Russell on a small pirate-hunt, us and the Riders. She was driving a Voyager, Russell and I were in a Bullet, and two more muscles from other gangs. You want to see a nasty driver, Russell was a frigging legend, she was damn-near untouchable." Mellie's eyes unfocused and turned inward. "Until... she wasn't."




"So six miles out of the gate, we get jumped by a pack of Xena's Angels, pirates, five on four. Our partner-car takes a bad rocket early on, so that leaves her and me without anyone watching our ass. We broke off, Speedy running through the hills, just trying to keep us alive.




"Then out of the blue comes Lorna and her partner, took out two of the Angels in one pass. Damn, wish you coulda seen it! Then they swarm Lorna's partner, Speedy and I scratch two, and the last one ran. We looted fast as we could and hightailed it back to Somerset.




"Back in Somerset, I bought Lorna a drink, and we get to talking... and then we got to flirting, and..." Mellie blushed, and turned her face away from Brooke, toward the armored door. " Then I went up to Badlands for scout training, and came back, and that's a whole 'nother story. But... She was waiting when I came back." Mellie shrugged. "So yeah, that's how I met my woman."




"Oh. Alright." Brooke stared out at the road, her mind buzzing with questions that a well-brought-up girl from Haven Valley would never, could never ask. "I'm... glad you're happy. And if there's anything I can do to help her transfer to the Legion, let me know."




Mellie shrugged. "It shouldn't be a problem, but... thanks." She pulled a lever by her side, returning her seat to its upright position. "Let's see how it looks out there." She peered through the windscreen at the landscape beyond, then keyed her radio. "Four to all, I think the Slavers have arrived. Dust cloud at ten o'clock, no visual yet."




"Lead to Four, let us know when you've got visual contact."




Mellie tapped her transmit key and started Kestrel's engine. The faint vibration was a little reassuring to Brooke - over the last few months, she'd absorbed Fifth Legion wisdom about muscle cars, and had become a little uncomfortable in a stationary car. Speed is Life, ran the Legion wisdom, with the reverse left unspoken. "How long, d'you think?"


"Not long, I think." Mellie's voice sounded a little distant, as if her mind was elsewhere. "They're close enough for us to see their dust cloud, won't be more than a few minutes. That gun ready?"




Brooke did a detailed check of her gun, doing everything but firing off a few rounds to make sure her gun was in working order. "Yeah."




"Good, we'll need it."






Cestus Dei Win Evan Paintball Combat Ladder

The Evan Paintball Combat Ladder finished, with Cestus Dei taking the overall victory and a prize of $75000. The runners-up were -^-HellRazors-^-, and finishing in third place overall were Renshai.

Caesars Ghosts Win Gateway Winter Meltdown League

The Gateway Winter Meltdown League finished, with Caesars Ghosts taking the overall victory and a prize of $60000. The runners-up were Blue Giants, and finishing in third place overall were Renshai.

Theresa Sprinkle of TwinScroll died at Somerset Arena.


Jeff `Fills` Graves of Hellions died at Northern Farm Land.


David Somerville of Rabid died at Highway to Hell.


Tony Zinn of Rabid died at Highway to Hell.


Michael `What the` Frick of Renshai died at Once Upon a Town.


`No Way` Jose Woods of Blood and Iron died at Shantyville.


`Bingo` Brittany Cunningham of Blood and Iron died at Shantyville.


Hans `Snipe` Gunn of The Wolfhounds died at Gates of Somerset.


`The Bishop` Janelle Grady of Blood Roses died at Shantyville.


`Ex President` David Adams of King of Clubs died at Never Plains: Sand Storm.


Taina Ragan of Steel Panther died at Gates of Somerset.


Veronica `Ronnie` Shoop of Gearjammers died at Northern Foothills Racetrack (at night).


Gerald Ford of Lake Runners died at Road to Elmsfield.


John Kennedy of Lake Runners died at Lost Oasis.


Shirley `Cha-Cha` Muldowney of Gearjammers died at Northern Desert Circuit.


Mary Scott of Lake Runners died at Northern Farm Land.


James `Roaming` Freeman of Hot Trax died at Highway to Hell.


Alicia Terwilliger of Iron Wraiths died at Once Upon a Town.


Mark Green of The Autumn Wind died at Under a Bloody Red Sky.


Ricardo `mANIKIN` Mannion of WarGasM died at Once Upon a Town.


Thomas `Sure Shot` Smith of WarGasM died at Once Upon a Town.


Homer Simpson of SwordStroke Enterprises died at Gates of Somerset.


Van Bombardier of WarGasM died at Never Plains: Sand Storm.


Veronica Stoner of 69th Battalion died at Road to Elmsfield.


`Trucker` Jacob Terrell of 69th Battalion died at Road to Elmsfield.


Cynthia Chrisman of Road Lords died at Northern Foothills Racetrack (at night).


Salvador `Stitches` Carlisle of Caesars Ghosts died at Dead man`s Road.


Bill `Beetle` Bailey of Caesars Ghosts died at Dead man`s Road.


Mark Castonguay of Gutter Punks died at Ring of Death Arena.


`Smokin` Jo Curley of Caesars Ghosts died at Lonesome Highway.


Marjorie Brown of The Flying Circus died at Gates of Somerset.


`Holeshot` Hana Ingrassia of Blue Giants died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 1.


Christine Moody of San Jose Baggers died at Gates of Texan.


Joshua Clifton of San Jose Baggers died at Gates of Texan.


Helen `Bird Killer` Lawrence of Joels Bastards died at Somerset Arena.


Kazuko `Dunno My` Vowels of Riotous Assembly died at Lonesome Highway.


`Tiny` Tammy Rollings of Riotous Assembly died at Lonesome Highway.


Shannon `Cannon` Gillison of Riotous Assembly died at Lonesome Highway.


Michael Griffin of Road Lords died at Somerset Dirt Racing Track.


Sally `Nova Cane` Alexander of Frontline Assembly died at Gates of Somerset.


Echo Williams of Blue Giants died at Maure Dore.


Alex Fox of Iron Wraiths died at Canyon Joust.


Valentine Innocent of Steel Panther died at Gates of Somerset.


`Juan` Antoine Caddell of Lake Runners died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Omar Bradley of Lake Runners died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


`Freak - out` Eddy Briggs of Renshai died at Highway to Hell.


Tom Tom of Blood Roses died at Gates of Morgan.


`Sir` Neal Klein of Blood Roses died at Gates of Morgan.


Glen `Gibbed` Gamez of Blood Roses died at Gates of Morgan.


Michael James of MADHAT died at Road to Somerset.


Dixie Moran of Lake Runners died at Gates of Somerset.


Floyd Holmes of Caesars Ghosts died at Gates of Somerset.


`FarmBoy` Roger Hanlin of Fifth Legion died at Gates of Morgan.


Xavier Xiong of Hillman died at Northern Desert Circuit.


Harry `Jinx` Leblanc of Iron Wraiths died at Once Upon a Town.


`Jumpin`` Joseph Figueroa of Hellions died at Pathway to Darkness.


Karl Rocker of Hellions died at Pathway to Darkness.


Ronald Mendez of Hellions died at Pathway to Darkness.


Juan `Lead Foot` Raymond of San Jose Baggers died at Northern Desert Circuit.


Dennis Pitts of Justifiable died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Dennis Comeau of the mad mad crushers died at Telegraph Road.


Tracy Cromwell of The Pikers died at Viper Canyon.


Fernando House of The Crayons died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


`Topless` Regina Davis of The Crayons died at Canyon Joust.


William Page of Renshai died at Canyon Joust.


Charlotte Reilly of Cannibal Kittens died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Shelley `May` Lee of 69th Battalion died at Gates of Somerset.


Raquel `PissHead` Peters of 69th Battalion died at Gates of Somerset.


Matthew Smith of Bandicoots died at Serpentine Road.


Laura Sheridan of Steel Panther died at Gates of Somerset.


Christopher `Floor It` Floyd of King of Clubs died at Double Down Arena.


Florence Nightingale of Lake Runners died at Northern Farm Land.


`Roaming` Ronald Valdez of Caesars Ghosts died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Michelle `Death Rager` Deatherage of Blood and Iron died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Paul Hill of Maxxed Out died at Gates of Somerset.


`Gay` Gary Leblanc of 69th Battalion died at Telegraph Road.


`Lionhearted` Leo Dominguez of Justifiable died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


`Frisky` Cristy Anderson of Justifiable died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Eric `Demolition` Dunphy of Justifiable died at Pathway to Darkness.


Herbert `Cibatta` Ciotti of Justifiable died at Pathway to Darkness.


Mark Hutcherson of King of Clubs died at Road to Somerset.


German Young of sunset samurai died at Once Upon a Town.


Olga Lopez of Liars and Thieves died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Theodore Conway of Ragnarok Racing died at Gates of Somerset.


`Jelly Roll` Robert Riley of Produce_Vendors died at Pathway to Darkness.


`Rickshaw` Richard Shah of Produce_Vendors died at Pathway to Darkness.


Tracey `Put Out` Parson of San Jose Baggers died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Kareem Mee of finger3 died at Gateway Interstate Arena.


`The Outlaw` Rob Hoss of Blood Roses died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Joe `Don` Baker of Justifiable died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Andrew `James` Monroe of Justifiable died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Jessica Guitierrez of Blue Giants died at Once Upon a Town.


`Bounty` Phillip Feaster of Produce_Vendors died at Highway to Hell.


Holly `Bush` Townsend of Produce_Vendors died at Highway to Hell.


Peter Trisler of Maxxed Out died at Gates of Somerset.


`Mr Hat` Gregory Fairbanks of Maxxed Out died at Gates of Somerset.


Tommy `Gun` Smith of Cheese Onions died at Once Upon a Town.


`Yip Yap` Hannah Yap of finger3 died at Gates of Somerset.


Jeffrey Yamashita of Maxxed Out died at Scattered Grounds.


Del `Jerry` Springer of Maxxed Out died at Scattered Grounds.


Todd Boudreau of Blue Giants died at Northern Foothills Racetrack (at night).


John Ament of Joels Bastards died at Gateway, The Bone.


Joshua `JOSHIE` Kendrick of 69th Battalion died at Chaos Canyon.


`Mini` Maximo Peralta of 69th Battalion died at Chaos Canyon.


Zonia `Didna KnowYa` Ewald of Justifiable died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Jake `The Snake` Gehring of Justifiable died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


`Ramblin`` Robert Hart of Blood and Iron died at Road to Somerset.


`Heisenberg` Walter White of Blood and Iron died at Road to Somerset.


Frank Carrion of Blood and Iron died at Road to Somerset.


John `Fixin` Ford of The Mighty Brain Slug Empire died at Bombed Luna Road.


Carlos `Yin` Yang of Scarzams Dragoons died at Double Down Arena.


Al `V8` Jordan of San Jose Baggers died at Telegraph Road.


`Superstar` Jose Chavez of San Jose Baggers died at Telegraph Road.


Raymond `Flamin` Moore of San Jose Baggers died at Telegraph Road.


`Joltin` Joseph Curtis of Caesars Ghosts died at Lonesome Highway.


Crystal `Clear` Medrano of Blood and Iron died at Gates of Somerset.


Ivan Williams of Bloodguard died at Never Plains: Sand Storm.


Herbert Rosenberg of Bloodguard died at Never Plains: Sand Storm.


`The` Blaine Eversole of Justifiable died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Lesley `Que` Sherrod of Justifiable died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Sean `Hittin`` Litton of Justifiable died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Nigel Smith of Liars and Thieves died at Ring of Death Arena.


Robert McDonald of Cranberries died at The Pit.


Jerry Solis of San Jose Baggers died at Somerset Arena.


Laura Ingham of Steel Panther died at Gates of Somerset.


Neil Armwood of Lake Runners died at Once Upon a Town.


John `B` Anglin of Longos Merry Men died at Gateway Interstate Arena.


`Sope Dropper` Ben Dover of finger3 died at Gates of Somerset.


Francisco `French Fry` Chapman of finger3 died at Gates of Somerset.


Kyoko `Thi` Ling of finger3 died at Gates of Somerset.


Jean Haggins of Arena Killers died at Somerset Arena.


Callie `CT` Taylor of Riotous Assembly died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


`Small` Christopher Rodriquez of Riotous Assembly died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


`Delicious` Delisa Cain of Riotous Assembly died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Johnnie `Mechanic` Fox of 8ounty 8astards died at Rocket Flats.


William `Howdy` Pilgrim of Caesars Ghosts died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Bobbie `Toasty!` McBurney of Caesars Ghosts died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Jesse Jones of Bad Baby Bunnies died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Richard McDermott of Tyredmen died at Ring of Death Arena.


Toshiko `Happy Ending` Tiger of Cestus Dei died at Interstate Mythos.


Holly `Sloppy` Hummer of Cestus Dei died at Interstate Mythos.


Abby `Is Sooooo` Able of Cestus Dei died at Interstate Mythos.


Barry `Padre` Church of No Aiming Just Shooting died at Once Upon a Town.


Antonio `Less Is` Moore of No Aiming Just Shooting died at Once Upon a Town.


Natalie Jones of MADHAT died at Road to Somerset.


Heather Johnson of MADHAT died at Road to Somerset.


Paul Hayhurst of The Pikers died at Never Plains: Sand Storm.


Julian Bruce of MADHAT died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Guy `Fawkes` Martin of Justifiable died at Outback of Nowhere.



Bountiful!

The most wanted gangs in Evan today are listed below. The bounty listed for each gang is a combination of the amount offered by local vigilante groups and by disgrunted individuals, and represents the amount of money you would expect to be paid for each senior member of the gang you kill.

1. Golden Warriors (Somerset): $1131.
2. Blue Giants (Somerset): $269.
3. Hillman (Somerset): $182.
4. Golden Warriors (Elmsfield): $178.
5. Blood and Iron (Somerset): $152.
6. WarGasM (Somerset): $96.
7. WarGasM (Gateway Truckstop): $94.
8. Blood Roses (Gateway Truckstop): $72.
9. Blood and Iron (Gateway Truckstop): $70.



Movers and $hakers

This list shows just who has been winning the most lucrative prizes on the circuits and arenas of Evan, during the past month.

1. Joels Bastards: $1062049.
2. Renshai: $888848.
3. Blue Giants: $709363.
4. Blood and Iron: $690676.
5. -^-HellRazors-^-: $676912.

Deathsport Leagues

The major leagues are nearly concluded, and with the title races hotting up, here are the current favourites:

Evan Race Ladder - Dark Guardians
Evan Deathrace Ladder - -^-HellRazors-^-
Evan Arena Combat Ladder - -^-HellRazors-^-
Evan Paintball Combat Ladder - Renshai

In addition, the leaders of the minor leagues are:

Somerset Combat League - finger3
Gateway Pedestrian Combat League - Blood and Iron



Political Update

The relationship between the Badlands Truckstop and Merchants faction has cooled, due to what is perceived as `extortionate` gates fees charged to convoys passing through the truckstop.

Current DW Gazette Editors: Sam, Hati, Racing Robbie, Bastille, Rezeak, SmokeyKilla, X_Man.