Jul/Aug
2062
Joels Bastards Win Northern Semi-Pro Combat League

The Northern Semi-Pro Combat League finished, with Joels Bastards taking the overall victory and a prize of $180000. The runners-up were Cowboys UNLTD, and finishing in third place overall were The Stranglers.

Hessians Win Somerset Deathrace League

The Somerset Deathrace League finished, with Hessians taking the overall victory and a prize of $180000. The runners-up were 69th Battalion , and finishing in third place overall were Joels Bastards.

Longos Merry Men Win Somerset Pedestrian Combat #2 League

The Somerset Pedestrian Combat #2 League finished, with Longos Merry Men taking the overall victory and a prize of $150000. The runners-up were Joels Bastards, and finishing in third place overall were Tusk.
"Bunch of cowards all across Evan" John 'B' Anglin of Longo's Merry Men was overheard spouting off at Dexter's Tavern. "Nobody wants to fight us except da Bastards. We just keep killin one and other, year after year. Least they tough and enjoy dyin just as much as we do."

Steel Sparks Win Elmsfield Two Guineas League

The Elmsfield Two Guineas League finished, with Steel Sparks taking the overall victory and a prize of $60000. The runners-up were The Tiger Sharks, and finishing in third place overall were Riot Racing Club.

-^-HellRazors-^- Win Northern Summer League

The Northern Summer League finished, with -^-HellRazors-^- taking the overall victory and a prize of $60000. The runners-up were Joels Bastards, and finishing in third place overall were Somerset Lizards.

Brooke`s Tale - Changeling


*PART 2*
by Fifth

Adam was high in the sky when Brooke finally spied the yellow oil lantern hanging over the gate of Haven Market, illuminating the closed chain-link gate and the stone wall to either side. She stepped into the circle lit by the lantern with a sigh of relief.


Her relief shattered with a flash of fear as a harsh beam of light stabbed out from the stone gatehouse, blinding her. `Stop right there`, commanded a gravelly male voice.


Brooke froze in her tracks, her hands well away from her sides. She abruptly realized that she had only come to Haven Market before in the daytime, and most of the local settlements frowned on travellers approaching their gates after dark. `Im just looking for work. Not trouble.`


`Work, is it?` The voice took on a leering amusement, and Brookes stomach sank down to level of her knees. `I got a job for you right` - The voice chopped off, and Brooke debated turning around and waiting for dawn in the wilderness.


`Are you Brooke Criddle?` a female voice asked out of the light, and Brooke almost bolted, thinking her father had alerted the village to her disappearance with some tale, and she was about to be arrested. She glanced over her shoulder, gauged the distance to the relative safety of the darkness, and knew it was impossible to run.


Well, that was nice while it lasted, she thought, and nodded.


`All right, were opening the gate. Come on in`, the female voice said again, and Brooke cocked her head to the side - she knew that voice, but she couldnt place it. With the clanking of some mechanism in the gatehouse, the gate rolled open a few feet, and Brooke slowly walked forward into the village.


Haven Market was the biggest place Brooke had ever been, consisting of a main square with a dozen stone buildings that were often both dwelling and shop, serving many of the farmholds of the Haven Valley. There was a blacksmith and mechanic, a herbalist, and several merchants who represented the great Companies, buying farmers produce and selling machines and chemicals from far-away Texan and Sarsfield.


Waiting just inside the gate was a tall woman in a long gray coat, leaning against the inside of the stone wall with her blond braid trailing down her chest. `Brooke Criddle, as I live and breathe!`


Now that she could see the source of the voice, she found she could indeed recognize the woman, and her jaw dropped in surprise. `Mellie? Mellie Sines?` She asked, feeling like even more of a fool. `Are you a guard here?`


Mellie grinned and shook her head, revealing the stock of a weapon slung over her shoulder. `Nah, Im just passing through. What are you doing here? Did your father throw you out?` She asked quietly, her eyes on Brookes cheek and her hand drifting up to the weapon.


`No!` Brooke held up her hands to forestall any attempt of Mellies to avenge her. Melinda Sines had been her protector and friend on her fathers farmhold for years, before she`d run off to Somerset a year before - or to Hell, to hear her father and Father Terrethel tell the tale. `I ran off. Father was gonna marry me off to Peter Hanlin.` She declined to mention the aid of her brother, since she didnt quite know how to feel about Edward.


Mellie nodded. `Good for you! I guess youll need a job now?`


Brooke shrugged uncomfortably. `Yeah, I guess. I didnt, you know, think that far ahead.`


Mellie laughed and shrugged. `Why am I not surprised? Cmon, my patrols got rooms at the inn.`


Brooke followed her across Haven Markets main square toward the lit-up inn. `Patrol. So... youre with the Somerset Militia?` she asked.


`No, Im with the Fifth Legion`, Sines said, pulling aside her coat to reveal a blue cloth badge cut in the shape of a V on her shirt.


Brooke didnt recognize the name or badge, but she knew roughly what they were: one of the scores of gangs and militias around Evan that hunted pirates and each other out in the wasteland. The gangs were Brookes last choice to look for employment after the Trade Companies, but if Mellie had joined this Fifth Legion, she wouldnt be totally alone.


`Um... are they, uh, looking for recruits?` Brooke asked.


`Not on this run`, Mellie said, and Brookes heart sank. `But... I want to run something past our leader. I might be able to get you a job.`


`Doing what?` Brooke had been trained in all the tasks of a farmwife - planting and harvesting, shepherding and shearing, canning and cooking, spinning and sewing, weaving and making accounts - but she couldnt see how a gang or a militia could use any of that.


Mellie paused with her hand on the inns door. `You`ll see. Just keep quiet and let me do the talking.` Then she pushed open the door, spilling light and sound out into the square.


With a sinking feeling in her stomach, Brooke followed her into the inn.


The inns main chamber was half-full with local farmers and merchants, none of whom looked up at the door. The only notice the two attracted was in one gloomy corner, where two men and three women were watching them with some interest. All wore either long coats or tight-fitting leathers, and all kept guns close to hand. Any one of them was more intimidating than the hardest of her fathers guards, but the woman at the head of the table was the scariest of them all. She was small and slight, wearing brown leathers and a metal Fifth Legion badge on her shoulder. Her dyed-blue hair was cut in a practical bob, and her hard blue eyes were intent on Brooke. `Who`s your friend, Sines?` She asked in a voice ravaged by smoke and dust.


`This is Brooke`, Mellie said, presenting Brooke with a flourish and bouncing on her heels. Shes nervous, thought Brooke. `She`s an old friend, and she just ran away from home tonight. I was thinking, since Roys laid up`, Mellie gestured at one man who was sitting hunched over his stomach, pale with pain, `maybe we could give her a job?`


The woman at the head of the table examined Brooke. `Have you ever been in a car battle, Brooke?`


Brooke straightened her back and tried to look Qualified, even as the smell of blood and a ripping-canvas snarl assaulted her from her memories. `No, I havent. Anytime raiders came close to our hold, we all stayed inside. M-my father didnt approve of women handling guns.`


`Not quite`, Mellie interjected. `Her hold had a modified Five-Five as a hand-powered nutcracker. And she handled it a lot.`


Brooke suppressed her grimace. Cracking nuts with her fathers nutcracker had been one of her least favorite tasks back on the farmhold. But she hadnt considered that the complicated and easily jammed machine had been made from anything else, it simply was, as much as the hills of the earth or the aurora of the sky.


But the blue-haired woman merely nodded and looked Brooke straight in the eye. `Sines thinks you can do what we do. She wants me to leave a sick gunner here to recuperate`, She gestured at the sick man, `and put you in his seat for the rest of our patrol. The rest of a sixty-mile combat patrol out into the desert. Three two-man cars, running out in the desert, looking for trouble, and we`ll be twenty miles from the nearest help. We`ll be looking for people who are going to try to kill us, and were going to try to kill them first.`


She paused a moment to let Brooke appreciate her sincerity, then continued, in the same low, hard, deathly earnest voice. `Now, that means every single one of us has to pull their weight. I cant bring a total novice, because if you freeze up at the wrong moment, we all die. Alright?`


It was no more than Brooke expected, and she nodded in understanding, but Mellie broke in, `She wont freeze, boss. Couple years ago, a big cat took down one of her fathers guards, she grabbed his gun and killed it. She wont freeze up, I think.`


Brooke froze, remembering the blood and the panthers snarling - all she could remember from that afternoon. And the beating her father had given her for daring to touch a weapon, to take the role appointed for men. The leader examined her closely, though what she was looking for Brooke couldnt say. `Sines, would you risk your neck on that assessment? Or do you have an... ulterior motive?`


`Orth.` Mellie`s voice went low and dangerous, and one hand drifted to her shoulder, then she shook herself and the hand dropped back to her side. `Its more complicated than... that. And yes, Id risk my neck on her. Put her in my car.`


`Well, Brooke, Ill take a chance on you. Sines, she can sleep with you.` The leader shrugged, though her voice went edged on the last few words. Then she held out her hand. `Welcome to the Fifth Legion. Im Chasity Orth, Legion Commander.`


Brooke took her hand. `Thank you, ma`am. I wont let you down.` she said, and hoped it was true.


Orth just nodded and smiled. `Now you get some sleep, ladies.` she put an odd emphasis on the final word and pointed toward the inns narrow stairway. `Weve got an early start tomorrow.`



***


In the narrow little sleeping cubicle that Mellie had rented, after the lights were turned out, Brooke finally asked a question that had been bugging her. `Mellie, what did Commander Orth mean when she asked you about ulterior motives?`


Silence reigned for a long moment, and Brooke wondered if Mellie had gone to sleep. Then there was a rustling from the other side of the room, barely an arms length away. `I`ll tell you another time, Brooke`, Mellie said in an odd low, sad tone.



Edward `Big` Bobo of 69th Battalion died at Gates of Somerset.


`Piggy` Paul Russell of 69th Battalion died at Gates of Somerset.


Juan `Titty` Tillis of 69th Battalion died at Gates of Somerset.


`Judge` Charles Jude of Cowboys UNLTD died at Via Rupta.


Ethel `le` Barron of dark impakt died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Ronald `Doubletap` Dunn of Cowboys UNLTD died at Elmsfield Southern Speed Circuit.


Chong Smith of TotalCarnage died at Gates of Somerset.


Joseph Morales of Order of the Black Cat died at Northern Farm Land.


John Holmes of SwordStroke Enterprises died at Double Down Arena.


Charles Fomby of SwordStroke Enterprises died at Double Down Arena.


John Rivera of Justice Delivered died at Scattered Grounds.


Louise `Bring Da` Funk of Justice Delivered died at Scattered Grounds.


Peggy `Bundy` Harris of Justice Delivered died at Scattered Grounds.


Kathleen Eaton of Discordia died at Road to Somerset.


`Fear me !!!!!` Calvin Spear of v.i.n.d.i.c.a.to.r.s. died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Robert `zaaaapping` Sykes of v.i.n.d.i.c.a.to.r.s. died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Amy Barber of TotalCarnage died at Pathway to Darkness.


Ophelia `Big Brass` Balls of Lovely Boys died at Double Down Arena.


Christine Stiff of Lovely Boys died at Double Down Arena.


Helen Meza of TotalCarnage died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Ashley Walker of Holy Mutant Death Squad died at Oil Slick.


Robert Andrews of finger3 died at Gates of Somerset.


Jim `My Files!` Rockwood of Lovely Boys died at Northern Farm Land.


Michael `Flushing` Meadows of Maxxed Out died at Gates of Somerset.


Joan Aragon of SwordStroke Enterprises died at Blown With the Wind.


Samantha Carter of Lovely Boys died at Gates of Somerset.


Diana Friend of Lovely Boys died at Gates of Somerset.


Mary `BIG` Bottoms of 69th Battalion died at Scattered Grounds.


`Head-On` Leon Bowser of Cowboys UNLTD died at Somerset Dirt Racing Track.


Salley Cherry of finger3 died at Once Upon a Town.


Corey Pack of TotalCarnage died at Lost Trail: Dead River.


Stella Wix of TotalCarnage died at Lost Trail: Dead River.


James `Mularkey` Harkey of Justice Delivered died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Sandra `Klynt` Eastwood of Justice Delivered died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Tyrone `Incomming!` Hart of SwordStroke Enterprises died at Sandy.


Henry `L.C.` Killinger of Cowboys UNLTD died at Somerset Arena.


Wynona Doolin of Cowboys UNLTD died at Somerset Arena.


Genevieve Hutchinson of TotalCarnage died at Northern Farm Land.


Matthew `The Venice` Merchant of Blood and Iron died at Devils Fingers.


Frederick Hart of Blood and Iron died at Acid Land.


Eleanor `Frankenstein` Kirchner of OlDirty Bastards died at Road to Elmsfield.


Carolyn `Mungo` Haywood of OlDirty Bastards died at Road to Elmsfield.


Curt Rollins of OlDirty Bastards died at Road to Elmsfield.


Mike Johnson of TotalCarnage died at Northern Farm Land.


Monica Clark of TotalCarnage died at Northern Farm Land.


Joseph Campbell of 69th Battalion died at Northern Farm Land.


Larry `Graybush` Wilson of Paper Street Soap Co. died at Acid Land.


`Dashing` Ron Rivera of Paper Street Soap Co. died at Under a Bloody Red Sky.


Eric Guitierrez of Justice Delivered died at Dead man`s Road.


Dennis Law of Justice Delivered died at Dead man`s Road.


Dana `Great Dane` Stephens of Justice Delivered died at Dead man`s Road.


`Dr.` Kristin Finklea of Justice Delivered died at Dead man`s Road.


Geraldine `Ferraro` Flynn of Justice Delivered died at Dead man`s Road.


Amber McDonnell of Order of the Black Cat died at Northern Farm Land.


`Grandma` Karen Culver of Infinite Justice died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


`Call me` Dennis Erickson of Maxxed Out died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Rita `Garbo` Garber of Gearjammers died at Under a Bloody Red Sky.


Carl `The Truth` Brown of Justice Delivered died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Melvin `Short Order` Cook of Coolerheads died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 2.


Matthew `MK` Keen of The Ghosts died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Rosamaria Rabinowitz of SlaughterHouse Bath and Lodgin died at Highway to Hell.


Emmanuel Evangelista of SlaughterHouse Bath and Lodgin died at Highway to Hell.


Beth Gibson of Meles died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Jack Reach of v.i.n.d.i.c.a.to.r.s. died at Telegraph Road.


Ken Hoffman of TotalCarnage died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Lawrence `Never Sweet` Rose of Infinite Justice died at Gates of Somerset.


Mohammed Champion of The Windy Fists died at Serpentine Road.


Jackie Koester of Rollovers died at Somerset Arena.


Patrick Johnson of TotalCarnage died at Gates of Elmsfield.


Catina Lade of Machine Gods died at Gates of Somerset.


Max Maxon of Machine Gods died at Gates of Somerset.


Enrique Prater of Got Swag died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Adam McDaniel of Paper Street Soap Co. died at The Pit.


Sally Marks of finger3 died at Northern Farm Land.


Victor Askew of finger3 died at Interstate Mythos.


Shayne `The Pain` David of No Aiming Just Shooting died at Under a Bloody Red Sky.


Perry `Pounder` Herman of No Aiming Just Shooting died at Under a Bloody Red Sky.


Leon `Two Birds` Busch of SlaughterHouse Bath and Lodgin died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Darius Page of Maxxed Out died at Road to Elmsfield.


Dennis Liu of Blood and Iron died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Lynn Hunter of Zultorians died at Gates of Somerset.


Arthur Dejesus of Revelations died at Gates of Somerset.


Marty Pauley of TotalCarnage died at Northern Farm Land.


Tanya Baade of TotalCarnage died at Northern Farm Land.


Chuck `Love` Pfister of The Mighty Brain Slug Empire died at Gateway, The Trench.


Lindsay Gabler of MADHAT died at Scattered Grounds.


Benjamin Boothe of MADHAT died at Scattered Grounds.


Wendy Williams of Maxxed Out died at Road to Somerset.


`Tiny Tim` Timothy Little of Maxxed Out died at Road to Somerset.


Angela Thompson of Maxxed Out died at Road to Somerset.


Robert Gentile of MADHAT died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Carol Long of TotalCarnage died at Gates of Somerset.


William Woolf of Justice Delivered died at Forever Yellow Skies.


`Queen` Elizabeth Holt of Justice Delivered died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Kathryn Callicoat of Justice Delivered died at Gates of Somerset.


Pierre Turgeon of Justice Delivered died at Gates of Somerset.


Elizebeth Reichman of Death Spiders died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


Johnny Gandy of Death Spiders died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


Leo Carter of Collision Force died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


Jesus `Budda` Moten of No Aiming Just Shooting died at Gates of Somerset.


Dennis `The Menace` Henderson of 69th Battalion died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Ron `The Russian` Rushin of The Mighty Brain Slug Empire died at Highway to Hell.


Vincent Sprayberry of Zultorians died at Road to Somerset.


`Mean Green` Eugene McKenzie of Blood and Iron died at Interstate Mythos.


`Lady` Dominga Spears of Blood and Iron died at Interstate Mythos.


Betty Sin of 69th Battalion died at Road to Somerset.


Shirley Dunphy of Bandicoots died at Serpentine Road.


Patrick `Skelly Belly` Tremblay of Maxxed Out died at Interstate Mythos.


Mary Hopping of The Light Brigade -CI- died at Double Down Arena.


Barbara Starling of Lovely Boys died at Road to Somerset.


Dallas Fulgham of Iron Company died at Chaos Canyon.


Herman Bilger of Raging Scavengers died at Texan Rally Circuit - Short.


Un Lacey of TotalCarnage died at Gates of Somerset.


Mac Fulghum of Iron Company died at Gates of Somerset.


Gilbert Cline of Maxxed Out died at Gates of Somerset.


Edward Terrill of TotalCarnage died at Gates of Somerset.


`Morbid` Morton Deatherage of Maxxed Out died at Road to Somerset.


`The Cricket` William Jimenez of Maxxed Out died at Road to Somerset.


Virginia Blank of TotalCarnage died at Lost Oasis.


Steven `Rodney` Rodriguez of 69th Battalion died at Gates of Somerset.


Kevin `Pantera` Anselmo of Blood and Iron died at Highway to Hell.


Monica Pickens of TotalCarnage died at Under a Bloody Red Sky.


Thomas `TomTom` Thomson of Scarzams Dragoons died at Highway to Hell.


Leslie `Smooth` Santana of Scarzams Dragoons died at Highway to Hell.


Francisco Burgess of Scarzams Dragoons died at Highway to Hell.


Gregory `GTO` Tierney of Scarzams Dragoons died at Highway to Hell.


Kevin `Short` Rounds of Scarzams Dragoons died at Highway to Hell.


Natacha `Nacho` Corley of Scarzams Dragoons died at Highway to Hell.


Nicole `Darlin Nikki` Short of Scarzams Dragoons died at Highway to Hell.


Allen `Bleeds` Trueblood of Scarzams Dragoons died at Highway to Hell.


Carl Valadez of Revelations died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Amanda `Over there` Drake of Sand Storm died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Susan Gardner of The Ghosts died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.



Evan`s Most Wanted

The most wanted gangs in Evan today are listed below. The bounty listed for each gang is a combination of the amount offered by local vigilante groups and by disgrunted individuals, and represents the amount of money you would expect to be paid for each senior member of the gang you kill.

1. TotalCarnage (Somerset): $1112.
2. 69th Battalion (Somerset): $450.
3. Got Swag (Elmsfield): $429.
4. WarGasM (Somerset): $395.
5. Icarus Himself (Badlands Truckstop): $345.
6. Icarus Himself (Somerset): $269.
7. TotalCarnage (Gateway Truckstop): $210.
8. OlDirty Bastards (Elmsfield): $146.
9. Wasteland Wheelers (Somerset): $108.
10. Raging Scavengers (Texan): $78.



Big Time Professional

In the past month, the most prolific gang on the Professional deathsport circuit has been The Pikers, having competed in 12 events. Are these guys intent on getting famous, or are they just in it for the money?
Evan Leagues

As the year progresses, here are the leaders of the major leagues:

Evan Race Ladder - Lovely Boys
Evan Deathrace Ladder - Coolerheads
Evan Arena Combat Ladder - -^-HellRazors-^-
Evan Paintball Combat Ladder - Blood and Iron

In addition, the leaders of the minor leagues are:

Circuit of Evan Wilderness Rally II League - Road Templars
Somerset Deathrace League - Hessians
Circuit of Evan Wilderness Rally I League - Joels Bastards
Northern Summer League - -^-HellRazors-^-
Northern Semi-Pro Combat League - Joels Bastards
Somerset Pedestrian Combat #2 League - Longos Merry Men



Political Update

Relations between the Civs and Merchants have cooled somwehat, following allegations of price-fixing in the food market - the Civs allege that the welfare of their citizens is being disregarded by the naked profiteering of the Merchants.

Current DW Gazette Editors: Sam, Hati, Racing Robbie, Bastille, Rezeak, SmokeyKilla, X_Man.