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21 Economic Models Explained, For the Communists and Capitalists

*Grograt* Grograts Gonads Darkwind Guru Renegade Group: Marshals Posts: 8,377 Joined: Oct 5, 2008 I thought this may interest some of you, hopefully i will have upset at least a few  21 Economic Models Explained SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. ......................... vet marshal wv community Posted Mar 28, 2009, 11:34 am Last edited Mar 28, 2009, 11:35 am by *Grograt*

*Tinker* BibleThumpers Anonymous Darkwind Guru Mutants Faction Group: Marshals + Contributors Posts: 4,546 Joined: Aug 1, 2008 lol, we are going on strike we want 3 cows, and not the english strain! ......................... vet marshal wv pvp3 zom circuit2 pvp1 cont Posted Mar 28, 2009, 12:46 pm

Bytten The Bytten Squad Autodueller Renegade Group: Members Posts: 449 Joined: Oct 23, 2008 I like Surrealism in particular! ......................... vet wv Posted Mar 28, 2009, 2:05 pm

The Paranoid Tourist Precipitous Treachery Darkwind Guru Slavers Faction Group: Members Posts: 1,828 Joined: Jan 12, 2007 hehehe. That is awesome. . . and so true. ......................... vet gateautumn gwextrav raceL1 wv e2g0,2,0 Posted Mar 28, 2009, 2:29 pm

*sam* The Salthill Sluggerz Darkwind Guru Renegade Group: Lead Developer Posts: 16,780 Joined: Jan 19, 2006 AN IRISH CORPORATION You used to farm cows, but gave up on them in order to build houses to sell to your neighbours for continually inflating prices while the government gives up on supporting anything except for house building. Housing bubble bursts, everyone is bankrupt, corporation crumbles along with all other industry. Various banking scandals and high-level corruption proves to the rest of the world what a banana republic we really are. ......................... marshal vet deathrce1 paintladder combat1 wv ped1 cont slay2013 Posted Mar 28, 2009, 3:29 pm Last edited Mar 28, 2009, 3:30 pm by *sam*

Joel Autobaun Joels Bastards Darkwind Guru Deathrace Mafia Faction Group: Sinbinned Posts: 4,598 Joined: Nov 10, 2008 The Canadian Corporation You actually have a bazillion cows, rather tan take them and make products like milk, cheeze, meat really cheap and make a massive profit on end- products: You sell the cows really cheap and then buy the end products at outrageous prices. Then when everyone else's economy breaks because they are actually pyramid schemes, you sit back and piss and moan about what the hell you are going to do with all your cows, because no one can buy them anymore. ......................... vet northernsummer deathrce1 raceL1 deathrceL1 ww ped1 sssc paintball semiprocombat ped2 e2g gwextrav gwped combat1 paintladder elmsautumn gateautumn wv race1 combatL1 pvp1 pvp5 pvp4 zom pvp3 circuit1 pvp2 circuit2 circuit3 ss2fl67 slay2013 storm2013 geek triangle198,96,31 Posted Mar 28, 2009, 3:42 pm Last edited Mar 28, 2009, 3:43 pm by Joel Autobaun

4saken The 4saken Darkwind Guru Renegade Group: Members Posts: 2,282 Joined: Jan 1, 2008 based on the royal bank of scotland and irish versions, i am guessing the whole world economy was a big smoke-and-mirrors pyramid sceme and not just the united states, eh? somehow i always had a suspicion that all those mcmansions and half-million dollar slum condos (i'm not joking) were making someone money despite the fact that they're all pretty much empty. at least once everything breaks it'll be a sqautters paradise! and it's not much different with the car industry. no wonder there's so many easily available SUVs in this post-apocalyptic world... what lots of unsold SUVs may look like (bonus: chrysler products) ......................... vet combatL1 wv1,0,0 Posted Mar 29, 2009, 4:40 pm Last edited Mar 29, 2009, 4:43 pm by 4saken

*goat starer* Special Circumstances Darkwind Guru Evan Reds Faction Group: Contributors Posts: 10,907 Joined: Oct 29, 2007 im sure the version of this i read during the BSE crisis had more burning cows.. if i remember rightly the British has two cows both were mad so we burned them both and the french go on strike and set fire to british cows at calais. ......................... vet wv zom pvp4 cont community deathrceL1 marshal pvp3 pvp2 Posted Mar 30, 2009, 2:18 am

Kime Dennory Weasel Works Darkwind Guru Renegade Group: Members Posts: 725 Joined: Aug 8, 2008 Sam, that can't be complete, it doesn't have anything about golf courses in it. -KD ......................... vet Posted Mar 30, 2009, 9:05 pm

*Lugal* Luna Sea Darkwind Guru Renegade Group: Marshals Posts: 2,246 Joined: Jan 27, 2008 THE MARTIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You abducted them both from Earthlings, mutilate them, then return the bodies. You then retire on the proceeds of bovine snuff films, UFO toys, and Michael Jackson CDs. ......................... vet marshal wv Posted Mar 31, 2009, 12:14 am

lordbam Nephilim Rising Darkwind Guru Anarchists Faction Group: Members Posts: 1,410 Joined: Dec 9, 2007 Belgian model Belgium has 1 cow. A discussion starts what language the cow should talk. the 3 governments can't get an agreement so they take a loan to buy 2 other cows. Now each region has it's own cow, but a discussion starts that the cow from 1 of the regions is fatter then the other cow. So the region with the fat cow now has to pay money to the regions with the thinner cow. To do this, the region offcourse takes a loan. In the end the 3 cows are sold to a private company and each regions lends the cow back. ......................... vet wv zom0,3,0 Posted Mar 31, 2009, 9:26 am Last edited Mar 31, 2009, 5:02 pm by lordbam

t0rp0r Death Unlimited Autodueller Renegade Group: Storytellers Posts: 410 Joined: Apr 1, 2008 U.S. political parties: Republican: A farmer has 2 cows. He sells milk from 1 cow, receives a government subsidy for the other cow, imports foreign milk, and increases prices based on foreign prices. Bush declares war and sends both cows to die to protect the foreign milk. Democrat: A farmer has two cows. The farmer saves money by skimming money from the cow’s food supply. The cow’s milk is poor quality, so demand falls. Obama sends the farmer money to fix the problem, with enough strings attached that the government essentially owns the farm. The farmer still gives himself a huge bonus and gets rid of one of the cows to cut costs. ......................... vet wv zom Posted Mar 31, 2009, 1:41 pm

*Zothen* Knights Templar Darkwind Guru Renegade Group: Marshals Posts: 841 Joined: Jun 11, 2007 t0rp0r said: The cow’s milk is poor quality, so demand falls. Obama sends the farmer money to fix the problem, with enough strings attached that the government essentially owns the farm. The farmer still gives himself a huge bonus and gets rid of one of the cows to cut costs. Muhaha, that was sooo great! I loved it! Besides the fact that its our money they gamble with ......................... vet marshal wv Posted Apr 2, 2009, 8:38 pm

Mad Mike the mad mad crushers Darkwind Guru Anarchists Faction Group: Subscribers Posts: 2,900 Joined: Aug 1, 2007 THE IRANIAN MODEL You have 2 cows you milk them and start to build weapons with the milk but tell the rest of the world you are only using the milk to feed babies THE NORTH KOREAN MODEL You have 2 cows you withhold the milk from your population because they wont do what you want. you use the milk to build a missile and launch it. you put one cow on top and tell everyone its a peaceful satellite. the missile and cow fall into the ocean and you declare that you now have a cow in space but noone can see it but you ......................... vet wv Posted Apr 18, 2009, 3:30 am Last edited Apr 18, 2009, 3:30 am by Mad Mike

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