Gazette Orders Vehicles

A consignment of Gazette-insignia sunrises has been ordered by Arizona of the DW Gazette head office in Elmsfield.

These cars will be seen conducting official Gazette business. We would ask you to grant them immunity from gunfire. In the interests of the news service, please treat our employees as neutrals.

Advanced RaceLabs Win Northern Summer League

The Advanced RaceLabs Win Northern Summer League finished, with Advanced RaceLabs taking the overall victory and a prize of $20000. The runners-up were Advanced Research Labs, and finishing in third place overall were Somerset Lizards.

Sinister Tales of The Haunted Buccaneer

The whole story started from a rather long and enternaining post from our missing editor, months ago.

What seemed at first to be only a caveat, finally appeared to be one of the most frightening story from the wasteland...

Let`s have a look back in the history, to the first reported tale.

Yes, it is another longwinded post from Badger, so sit down, keep your eyes off my fingers full of pricey diamonds and precious metal for a moment, and listen carefully to what I am about to tell you.

It just may save your life.

As I quaff down another glass of 50 year old scotch, light up another Cuban cigar, and rest my silken elbows on the bar of one of the hottest nightclubs in Gateway, people often tell me, gosh, Badger, you are a successful businessman and a famous autodueler. You seem to have it all. You must be blessed!

Well, being Badger isnt always as glamorous as it seems.

In the day-to-day business of selling cars, riding the cutting edge of clothing fashion and managing one of the hottest autodueling clubs in all Evan, it isnt often a man comes across supernatural evil. Bandits and mutants may be evil, but at least you can be confident they will die when you target and fire. But how do you vanquish an evil that has no form or soul?

I fell in love with the Buccaneer the moment I saw it. It is lime green with white trim, and sporting a vicious pair of weapons: a front-mounted heavy and light machine gun. Under the hood was another wonder: a powerful chrome 3.2 engine that enslaves whatever road you drive it on. I was so entranced by the curvaceous bends, the leather interior and the overall sleek design, I didnt notice the look of relief on Jet Blacks face as I passed him the cash and signed the ownership papers.

The car gave me all that my eyes promised. Say what you will later about her truly evil intent, she can manage rock, sand, road or gravel with the best. Shell stop on a dime, and give you a nickels worth of change. In the right hands, she is an incredibly lethal light scouting car.

But she is cursed.

What specific pit of hell she was forged in, I do not know. But, surely she is devil spawned, because bad things happen whenever I take her out.

Squadmates cars will flip and burn. There are return encounters every time she goes out. Marauders spawn like rabbits in every match-up, regardless of your scouts skill. Rare, surrendering engines die quicker than a fruit fly. It draws enemy fire like a magnet.

What car was I driving when Lord Humongus waylaid us, and demanded ransom, on the way back from a wilderness encounter? My Buccaneer spawned 90 meters in front of his dual car cannons with 3 armor left on her trunk.

Anything bad that can happen will happen. The only thing I can be confident of is that she will somehow make it back to my garage to bestow tragedy and misfortune upon me once again.

So, we come to the contest portion of my tale. The lime green buccaneer Christine is up for sale for one dollar in the Gateway market. I have no choice but to surrender her up to someone else, before my final physical or financial ruin takes place. Surely, someone will have better luck with her.

Whichever gangleader guesses the correct password first can have it. For your sake, though, I hope my words of warning ring true and you decide not to bother.

In case you are interested, as your hint, I would like to remind you all of another cursed car. Remember James Dean? He, as you might know, was killed in a car accident. Some say his car was cursed. Yeah, he liked speed, so it is no surprise that he should die in a car wreck. What is spooky, though, is the unsettling feelings people got riding in it with him, and all the vehicular tragedy that befell the others that used parts of Deans fatal Porsche in their cars after his death. It is an interesting tale, so look it up.

Which brings me to the password for Christine: What did James Dean name the Porsche that killed him?

And good luck and god`s help to the winner. You just may need it!

The winner of this short and difficult contest was GG Barfowski. He quickly claimed with an arrogant smile he found the problem with the car:
Looks like the problem was this William Shatner Sings The Blues cassette that was stuck in the tape deck. I got a screwdriver and forced it out, there was a lot of howling ghosts that smelled like farts pouring out from in there, but I Febreezed it and I think it`s ok.

Though, shortly after, it was reported by Badger something wrong had happened to The Corpse Crunshers.
Witnesses report a ghastly shadow and a horrific shriek as the [The Corpse Crunshers] Chomper succumbed to bandit gunfire.

Upon investigation of the smoldering wreck, the smell of sulfur was in the air, and the mysterious digits 666 were found to be etched into the hood by some kind of infernal tool.

The Little Bastard Buccaneer made it home in one piece, of course, and rumor has it that it might be available for purchase again, soon.

Be careful, boys, Little Bastard won`t tolerate you or anyone else having other cars in your scouts.

She is a jealous lover.

This the moment Road Ronins acquired the vehicle, named Little Bastard and tagged with 666.
Maybe they should have been aware something was rather curious; a low price for a vehicle in a so good condition, and a visibly scared seller.
It was too late, the deal was done and Little Bastard had a new owner. At least, it is what it seemed to be...

Gateway`s area was once again, the scene for terrible matters. Hours after two Ronins had left to scout in the newly acquired car, Edward Jonhson was discovered laid in front of town doors by traders. His body was terribly shattered by bullets and he had bleed a lot.

We have been able to find a witness, that was present at Mezcal`s when it all happened:
They brought that Ronin, he was bleeding like a cow, but had not lost conscience yet. I will never forget what were the words:
Don`t know what happened, we tried to flee, but the car seemed like out of control, and whatever we did it was always closing in from the pirates, and I`m sure the engine was accelerating sporadically too, like some kind of evil laughing.

Terrel, will confirm you, the more we were being shot at, the closer and faster the car was closing from Death Or Taxes brutes; Terrell, tell them, please, he said before losing conscience, but we all remain silent, knowing Terrell Moore had died.

Then Ulrik Desertrunner aksed where was the car that brought Johnson`s back. Once he had asked, the air seemed quite heavy to breath and darn so cold...
One of the guy that had transported the Ronin to the bar has stated - and I will certainly remember this until the end of my life:

there was no car, we found the bloddy body of that dude and his dead pal, in front of the Truckstop; though, Miller that was nearby reported he had heard sound of an engine in the high revs going away. He went out to check what was happening and this is how he discovered the bodies.

So, if you ever meet a car that seem to behave on its own, be very careful.
And don`t forget: Submit your picture to The Gazette your only information source in Evan before you get killed!


The most wanted gangs in Evan today are listed below. The bounty listed for each gang is a combination of the amount offered by local vigilante groups and by disgrunted individuals, and represents the amount of money you would expect to be paid for each senior member of the gang you kill.

1. THE EMPIRE (Somerset): $16201.
2. Forsaken (Somerset): $3392.
3. Napalm Lullaby (Badlands Truckstop): $942.
4. Warthog (Badlands Truckstop): $696.
5. The Arachnids (Gateway Truckstop): $468.
6. King Cobras (Badlands Truckstop): $343.
7. Bantonville Militia (Gateway Truckstop): $259.
8. Badland Rudeboys (Badlands Truckstop): $230.

Advanced Research Labs Win Northern Semi-Pro Combat League

The Northern Semi-Pro Combat League finished, with Advanced Research Labs taking the overall victory and a prize of 60000. The runners-up were Advanced RaceLabs, and finishing in third place overall were Fish Heads.

Evan Leagues

As the year progresses, here are the leaders of the major leagues:

Somerset Combat League - Fish Heads
Somerset Deathrace League - Advanced RaceLabs
Somerset Race League - Advanced RaceLabs
Evan Race Ladder - Advanced RaceLabs
Evan Deathrace Ladder - Gearjammers
Evan Arena Combat Ladder - KLINGON GIRL SCOUTS

In addition, the leaders of the minor leagues are:

Northern Summer League - Advanced RaceLabs
Northern Semi-Pro Combat League - Advanced Research Labs

Most Active Gangs

You`ve tired of seeing them on the circuit every time you visit. Every time you leave town, you seem to run into them. But just who are they - who are the most active gangs in Evan right now?

The most active gang on the deathsport circuit has been Advanced Race Labs. Their most favoured type of event has been the combat, although they have also competed in numerous deathrace events.

Out of town, the most busy squads have been:
1. Rogue leader, owned by SplashandBurn.
2. Berns Pirate Hunters, owned by The BAMFs.
3. Doh, owned by R.Inc..
4. A-Team, owned by Advanced Research labs.
5. Berns Scout Training, owned by The BAMFs.

Marvin `Grapevine` Gay of SD Rollers died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.

Lucy Dunn of Riotous Assembly died at Forever Yellow Skies.

Angela `Ashes` Evans of Team Bansi died at Forever Yellow Skies.

Phillip `Fill er Up` McClain of Team Bansi died at Scattered Hills.

`Go to` Helen Waite of Team Bansi died at Scattered Hills.

`Mafia` Mario Vincent of Team Bansi died at Scattered Hills.

John Stone of Ricky Ranjits Raiders died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.

Antonio `Blastem` Campbell of Smoke me a kipper died at Gates of Elmsfield.

Benjamin `Biker` Garcia of Smoke me a kipper died at Gates of Elmsfield.

Bert Hurley of Ricky Ranjits Raiders died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.

Robert `Scope` Stoltzfus of Advanced RaceLabs died at Forever Yellow Skies.

Daniel Pedraza of Thug Matrix died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.

`Don` Juan Belk of Team Bansi died at Road to Elmsfield.

Daniel Adair of Forsaken died at Gates of Somerset.

Jasper `JAX` Driscoll of KLINGON GIRL SCOUTS died at Road to Somerset.

Linda `Lovelace` Clark of Team Bansi died at Road to Elmsfield.

Rene Bell of Clarinbridge Crushers died at Somerset Dirt Racing Track.

Karen `DESECRATOR` Steffen of KLINGON GIRL SCOUTS died at Road to Elmsfield.

Laura `MAD MIDGET` Shorter of KLINGON GIRL SCOUTS died at Road to Elmsfield.

Antonio `85` Gates of SD Rollers died at Scattered Grounds.

Tony `Mr. Padre` Gwynn of SD Rollers died at Scattered Grounds.

Hector `The Wrecker` Cabrera of SD Rollers died at Scattered Grounds.

Courtney Pearson of the mad mad crushers died at Scattered Grounds.

Elizabeth Wharton of the mad mad crushers died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.

Deanna `BLOODSUCKER` Leach of KLINGON GIRL SCOUTS died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.

Victor Tetrault of Forsaken died at Road to Somerset.

Kirk Brownell of Sons of Avernus died at Northern Desert Circuit.

Robin Pham of Thug Matrix died at Scattered Hills.

William Edmonds of Mambas Maniacs died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.

Michelle `THE ASSASIN` Trepanier of KLINGON GIRL SCOUTS died at Under a Bloody Red Sky.

Donna Clauson of KLINGON GIRL SCOUTS died at Under a Bloody Red Sky.

William Garza of S-A-F died at Road to Somerset.

Katherine Jackson of Team Bansi died at Sandy.

Michael Willey of KLINGON GIRL SCOUTS died at Scattered Grounds.

Janet Coan of Thug Matrix died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.

Martha Davis of Ricky Ranjits Raiders died at Scattered Grounds.

`Doc` Brooke Franks of R.Inc. died at Somerset Arena.

Eric Suzuki of 88 MPH died at Somerset Rally Circuit.

Jose Leavy of The Order Of The Stick died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.

Elda Scott of Forsaken died at Highway to Hell.

Tiana Jackson of Fish Heads died at Maure Dore.

Michael 'Bestside' West

This month, we caught up with Michael 'Bestside' West of Advanced RaceLabs, one of Evan`s most skilled drivers.

Current DW Gazette Editors: Sam, Hati, Racing Robbie, Bastille, Rezeak, SmokeyKilla.