May/Jun
2046
Advanced Race Labs Win Northern Semi-Pro Combat League

The Northern Semi-Pro Combat League finished, with Advanced Race Labs taking the overall victory and a prize of $180000. The runners-up were Monster Driver, and finishing in third place overall were Northern Mutant Alliance.
The leader of Advanced Race Labs, Bandit `Buster` Mata had this to say about it: `We`ve been trying to win this league for several years now and our preservance has finally paid off against the conspiracy that has obstructed us for so long.`

 


Stand and Deliver

By Valiance


Shana Gomez grumbled.

Great gouts of black smoke shot skyward from the engine compartment. Soot and grease, oil and sand, all mixed on the windshield.

`Goddamnit,` she swore, as she leaned out of the Blaster`s ruined side door. Her face was soon black with oil and gritty with dust, but at least she could see the damn road.

` `Its nothing personal` `, she mimicked. ` `You`re just new to the Vanguards, and for now, that means you drive the shot-up cars. If we meet anyone on the way home, you have my full permission to abandon the car.` `

She wriggled in the seat, closing her mind to the squelching and the sickening miasma of blood and fear that even overheating oil couldn`t disguise.

`Damn right I`ll abandon it, Hickey.` she said to the empty wasteland of Evan, and got a mouthful of oily sand for her trouble.



Two hours later, the convoy crawled into through the foothills that marked the outskirts of Somerset. The eight cars, half of them in the colours of the Vanguards, wove between low sand dunes and rocky hillocks.

Maybe it was bad luck. Maybe it was Enrique sleeping on the job. Or maybe it was the black plume of greasy smoke that drew the pirates as surely as a different pillar drew the Israelites out of a different desert.

Either way, the Turpins were waiting.

`Goddamit`, Shana cursed again.

`You know the drill, Shana,` Hickey called over the radio. `Execute.`

Shana threw the wheel hard towards the nearest hill. She propped the gas pedal down with a looted rifle barrel and threw herself out of the door. The Turpins opened fire on the doomed Blaster as Shana ran in a shambling half-sprint, half-crouch towards the rolling dunes and the haven of the corrugated fencing that surrounded Somerset.

The sand was soft and her booted feet sank deep into the treacherous slope. Her breath came fast and perspiration ran down her face. She heard a dull crump as several heavy machine gun rounds blew what little remained of the Blaster`s engine to shreds.

She crested a dune and dropped below the summit before turning back and peeking over the top. The Turpins had made short work of the Blaster and were looking for new targets. The rest of the Vanguards were nearing the safety of the gates but an Enforcer and a pair of Marauders, rocket-toting pickups, slewed round to give chase.

`You`ll never get them, bozos,` said Shana, as she stood bent over, hands on knees, to get her breath back. She saw a volley of rockets miss Hickey`s SUV as he passed the town fence.

`That`s it, losers,` she said. `You ain`t got nothing but a hunk of junk Blaster. Now just give up and go home.` And with that, she turned and started a slow, steady jog across the dunes to the fence.

For two seconds.

`What the...?`

A rocket flew past her left ear, maybe two feet away. She was close enough to feel the wind of its passing, for wisps of her dark hair to sizzle in the rocket exhaust. She risked a glance over her shoulder.

The entire strength of the Turpin squad was ranged against her.

Nine cars. Rocket-laden pickups. Enforcers with super-accurate rifles. Even a tiny little Sonic, weighed down by its ludicrously-oversized heavy-calibre machine gun. The entire goddamn fleet was chasing her.

She dropped her head, dug her toes in and ran.

Every few seconds, she pumped another round into her shotgun, swung round and fired wildly before taking off running again. A round from a car rifle hit the ground by her feet and she jinked left. Her breathing was steady and easy now, adrenaline flowing through her as she danced across the dunes. A rocket missed to the right and she swerved again.

Halfway there. Another glance. They were gaining. That pickup must have been doing at least 60 as it barrelled across a dune trying to get a lock. She reached the top of a hillock and leaped down it, feeling sand and rocks peppering her back as three rockets impacted into the sand behind it.

`Come on, you bastards,` she screamed as she ran. `Nine of you against one woman and you still can`t win.`

She heard the whine of an engine as the pickup launched itself over the hillock. She stopped and emptied two rounds of her shotgun upwards into the exposed underbelly, hoping to hit the transmission or an oil-line.

`Don`t just stand there, Shana! Run!`

She looked round. The Vanguards were lining the fence. Every single one of them. Hickey. Enrique. Marcus with his crossbow. Even Wingnut had raced out of the hospital, arm in a sling, and rested his rifle on the fence.

`Come on!`

She took off as if the hounds of hell were on her very heels. The Marauder behind landed awkwardly and rolled, and the crowd cheered. She dropped her head to watch where her feet were going, instinctively leaping left or right every few seconds. By the time she looked up the crowd had doubled, tripled.

Someone must have told Dexter what was going on. And no-one in Dexter`s wants to miss a scrap. They scrambled for the fence, cocking weapons as they ran. The Madhats and BamBam, The BroadRausters and Cats Laughing. John Force, the Gearjammers` top sniper. Doc Matthias was there, elegant and dapper, as he braced an antique Magnum on the fence. The Somerset agent of Lattes Raiders and the War Hippies. A faceless member of the BFFs and his speaking puppet. Even one of the Klingon`s midget strippers was there, sitting on Enrique`s shoulders with a shotgun held in her folded arms.

She had never felt so alive. This was her moment. Moments stretched into eternity as she jumped and dodged. Her every sense was attuned. She could feel where rifle rounds were going and ducked around them. Her feet found solid ground in the scree and sand and she dropped her head again just as a rocket whistled through the space it had occupied half a second before.

She set her eyes on the fence, between Hickey and Enrique. With every remaining ounce of strength she took three long strides and soared. Her right hand found the top of the fence, her feet didn`t touch. She landed in a crouch and the crowd roared their approval.

And as if they had been waiting for a signal, the assembled gangers turned on the Turpins.

They say that hand-weapons are no match for vehicles.

They have obviously never been on the receiving end of the might of an entire town.

The volley was deafening. And then another. And another. The Turpins turned tail and fled. They abandoned their looted car and scattered, scared bullies running home to mummy.

A hand appeared in front of Shana`s face. She took a deep breath and looked into Hickey`s startling blue eyes. Which broke into a broad smile.

`Congratulations`, he said, as what seemed like the whole of Somerset crowded round.

`I guess you`ve proved your worth. No more Blaster`s for you.`

Shana exulted as she was hoisted shoulder high and carried into Dexter`s.

She belonged to the Vanguards now. And boy, did it feel good.




You can find out more about Shana and the Vanguards at The Vanguards of Evan blog.




`Tales

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Mambas Maniacs Win Northern Paintball League

The Northern Paintball League finished, with Mambas Maniacs taking the overall victory and a prize of $25000. The runners-up were Order of the Marxbruders, and finishing in third place overall were Zen Psychotics.

Evan Leagues

As the year progresses, here are the leaders of the major leagues:

Somerset Combat League - Zen Psychotics
Somerset Deathrace League - Advanced Race Labs
Somerset Race League - Advanced Race Labs
Evan Race Ladder - Riotous Assembly
Evan Deathrace Ladder - Order of the Marxbruders
Evan Arena Combat Ladder - Pale Riders

In addition, the leaders of the minor leagues are:

Northern Semi-Pro Combat League - Wasteland Extravaganza
Northern Paintball League - Mambas Maniacs



Public Enemy

The most wanted gangs in Evan today are listed below. The bounty listed for each gang is a combination of the amount offered by local vigilante groups and by disgrunted individuals, and represents the amount of money you would expect to be paid for each senior member of the gang you kill.

1. Longos Merry Men (Somerset): $3666.
2. -^-HellRazors-^- (Somerset): $1068.
3. Wasteland Extravaganza (Somerset): $638.
4. Drive Backwards BFFs (Somerset): $501.
5. Mambas Maniacs (Somerset): $385.
6. Firelight Manhunters (Badlands Truckstop): $243.
7. The Puke Punchers (Somerset): $178.
8. Red Knights (Somerset): $159.



Most Active Gangs

Our team have been out all month, tirelessly visiting every deathsport event and interviewing incoming caravans to figure out just who are the most busy gangs in Evan right now.

The most active gang on the deathsport circuit has been Red Knights. Their most favoured type of event has been the deathrace, although they have also competed in numerous race events.

Out of town, the most busy squads have been:
1. Advanced Revolution, owned by Advanced Race Labs.
2. Somer Fun, owned by We B Right.
3. Hither and Yon, owned by 88 MPH.
4. Vig Sun, owned by Vigilante Sun.
5. Los Banditos Morados, owned by SD Rollers.

Show your Muscle Deathrace

Come on out to the Gateway Dry Lake track this Wednesday 30th July at 18:00 server time to participate in the Show Your Muscle Deathrace!



Entrants will need to bring a Phoenix or Sunrise, outfitted however they see fit. Crew must not have any skills over 99.

The top prize for this event is the choice between a 3.2L V8 Engine or a Car Cannon!

Extra points will be awarded for putting another car out of action, but points will be lost for needless brutality killing crewmen of a resigned car.

Just this last Saturday, Ninesticks of the Vault Dwellers won himself an Anti-Tank Gun for his excellent performance racing on the Gateway Bone Racetrack!



Charles `Chuckie` Short of War Hippies died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Gustavo `Bar Fly` Anderson of War Hippies died at Forever Yellow Skies.


`Cheerless` Jack Morales of Drive Backwards BFFs died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 1.


Brandi `Tequila` Gonzalez of Geriatric Anarchists died at Lost Oasis.


Vivian Matos of Geriatric Anarchists died at Lost Oasis.


Edgar Flakes of Geriatric Anarchists died at Lost Oasis.


Milton Mitchum of Legends of the Interstate died at Road to Elmsfield.


Theodore Robinson of Geriatric Anarchists died at Somerset Arena.


Tony Hanks of MADHAT died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Brian Brown of Gun Wolves died at Pathway to Darkness.


`Ancient` Alex Pacheco of Drive Backwards BFFs died at Smokey Hills.


Georgia `Bearded Lady` Brown of Wasteland Extravaganza died at Telegraph Road.


`Easy` Sunday Driver of Wasteland Extravaganza died at Telegraph Road.


Everett `E.R.` Runge of Thug Matrix died at Sandy.


`Captain` Larry Jackman of Longos Merry Men died at Smokey Hills.


`Chika` Deedee Everett of Mambas Maniacs died at Once Upon a Town.


`Ork` Ork`` Jodi Mork of Mambas Maniacs died at Once Upon a Town.


`Super` Mario Ison of Mambas Maniacs died at Once Upon a Town.


Floyd `The Barber` Dillard of SD Rollers died at Northern Foothills Racetrack at night.


Michael `No Nickname` Travis of The Untouchables died at Lost Oasis.


`Mad` Hattie Clark of Zen Psychotics died at Lost Oasis.


`Hello` Kitty Johnson of SD Rollers died at Road to Somerset.


`Sir` Loyd Isaac of Lattes Raiders died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


`Hawkeye` Van Cadiz of Burnt Tree Security died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Bryan Olmos of Digital Thugs died at Gates of Somerset.


Grace `Inconsiderate` Mitchell of Drive Backwards BFFs died at Road to Elmsfield.


William Hamilton of We B Right died at Northern Farm Land.


Robert Warren of Advanced Research Labs died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Joseph `Chucho` Campos of SD Rollers died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Jesusa Lee of Road Lords died at Forever Yellow Skies.


`Holy` Moses Roman of Mambas Maniacs died at Once Upon a Town.


Noel Roth of Geriatric Anarchists died at Blown With the Wind.


George Sanchez of Legends of the Interstate died at Road to Somerset.


Jerry Crowley of Legends of the Interstate died at Road to Somerset.


Richard Williams of AnimalFarm died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 2.


Elliot `Boyo` Boyer of The Vanguards died at Gates of Elmsfield.


Troy `T.` Smith of Jacks Gunslingers died at Road to Somerset.


Steven Desai of Digital Thugs died at Blown With the Wind.


`Downtown` Deb Simons of Geriatric Anarchists died at Somerset Dirt Racing Track.


Patricia Padilla of Jacks Gunslingers died at Road to Elmsfield.


`The Godfather` James Brown of Violet Menace died at Gates of Somerset.


Gregory O`Toole of Vault Dwellers died at Blown With the Wind.


Georgia Collins of Vault Dwellers died at Blown With the Wind.


Mary Stewart of Vault Dwellers died at Blown With the Wind.


Renee Stone of War Hippies died at Lost Oasis.


Virginia Harris of Red Knights died at Lost Oasis.


Audrey Wear of The Forsaken died at Lost Oasis.


Valerie Taylor of The Forsaken died at Lost Oasis.


Shirley `Stitches` Guest of River Bandits died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Chris Pryor of MADHAT died at Gates of Somerset.


James `Lil Puppet` Nazario of SD Rollers died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 1.


`They Call Me` Bruce Hackworth of SD Rollers died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 1.


William `Speedy` Gonzales of DeathFromAbove died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Thomas `Pez` Lopez of We B Right died at Blown With the Wind.


`Dame` Pamela Austin of Lattes Raiders died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


`Dame` Shirley Rice of Lattes Raiders died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


`JUST PLAIN` Tom Hall of Longos Merry Men died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


Billy `PENIS` Sperber of Longos Merry Men died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


Ursula `Epsom` Saltz of Burnt Tree Security died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


`Orange` Julius Carter of Burnt Tree Security died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


Lillian English of Gun Wolves died at Under a Bloody Red Sky.


Jeff Williams of Vault Dwellers died at Sandy.


Melinda Jessen of Vault Dwellers died at Sandy.


Marvin Slape of Vault Dwellers died at Sandy.


Gwen Hauser of The Panthers died at Lost Oasis.


David Latham of Red Knights died at Lost Oasis.


Miguel `Oil` Lorenzo of Toecutters died at Lost Oasis.


`Mad` Donna Burns of Toecutters died at Lost Oasis.


Charles `Otto` Baughn of Gearjammers died at Once Upon a Town.


Steven `Noose` Neese of Gearjammers died at Once Upon a Town.


Robert Dorsey of We B Right died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Katherine Strait of LESS THAN JAKES died at Gates of Somerset.


Jacqueline `Crabs` Trombetta of War Hippies died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Kenneth `Rattler` Estes of War Hippies died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Jesse Krebs of Pariah Strike died at Road to Elmsfield.


William Clifford of Pariah Strike died at Road to Elmsfield.


Christy `Cross` Jones of Riotous Assembly died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Zaida `Zemo` Morehead of SD Rollers died at Once Upon a Town.


`Staring` Eric Clark of MADHAT died at Once Upon a Town.


Brendon Beaver of Hellborn died at Gates of Somerset.


Jacqueline `Crabs` Trombetta of War Hippies died at Blown With the Wind.


Theodore `Sonny` Noell of War Hippies died at Blown With the Wind.


Helga Valles of AnimalFarm died at Scattered Grounds.


Cleo Stallworth of Drive Backwards BFFs died at Serpentine Road.


David Slape of MADHAT died at Gates of Somerset.


Antonio Minner of Pariah Strike died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


Clyde `The Glide` Pate of SD Rollers died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Angela `Rowdy` Sewell of Undead Fish died at Road to Somerset.


Gary Rice of Undead Fish died at Road to Somerset.


Beverly Miller of Red Knights died at Gates of Somerset.


Steven Vara of The Forsaken died at Under a Bloody Red Sky.


Charles Hargrave of Steel Demons died at Northern Desert Circuit.


Kenneth `Rattler` Estes of War Hippies died at Pathway to Darkness.


William `Frak` Beckett of Undead Fish died at Road to Elmsfield.


Mary `Skid` Anthony of Ricky Ranjits Raiders died at Highway to Hell.


Philip Dicks of Pariah Strike died at Blown With the Wind.


Thelma Ballard of The undead died at Northern Foothills Racetrack at night.


Ronda `Valley` Carter of Pariah Strike died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 1.

Current DW Gazette Editors: Sam, Hati, Racing Robbie, Bastille, Rezeak, SmokeyKilla.