May/Jun
2049
The World of Evan According to Basher:

In this issue of the Gazette we descend into the Scattered Grounds map.
The road from Gateway to the Badlands Truckstop is `Chocker-Block` FULL of baddies waiting to pounce on your pricey vehicular loot. `Owner-Operator` gangs based out of Badlands Truckstop might keep the piracy level lower but, you can be sure you WILL be attacked when heading to the BLT..... No.....It`s NOT a grilled bacon-lettuce and tomato sandwich!....... But YOU might be on the menu!


Image by Lord Foul


This road is nicely packed for speed IF you can keep your wheels on the dark patches.
Most of the road here will not damage your tires unless you slip off the road.
There are patches that will give your tires a beating.

Lattes Raiders Win Elmsfield Autumn Classic League

The Elmsfield Autumn Classic League finished, with Lattes Raiders taking the overall victory and a prize of $60000. The runners-up were The Paranoid Tourists, and finishing in third place overall were Slaythofens.

Something for the Boys Back Home

The sun crept across the landscape like a 70 year old Pedestrian Combat Veteran.
Staggering, slow, deliberate and deadly.

Gene the Eternal and Maggie Savage stood in the back lot of the G3 garages, staring down at the team`s latest creation.

A Roadrunner was stretched out before them, basking in the morning glow...its new paint job beginning to cure in the heat of the day.



`That`s a beaty of a P-40 paintjob, Maggie.` Gene mumbled.
`Yeah, thanks chief. It`s what the GearJammers wanted.` she replied.



`They wanted you straddling a gatling gun painted on the hood?` Gene
asked with some amusement.

`They said hot chick on a gun, Gene!` a tiny voice from the shadows
answered. `Yeah, and Maggie`s hot!` said another, `Momma, whoa momma,
nice guns!` said a third.

`We are pleased, but require a special delivery, please understand.`
came a new deeper rumbling from the door.

Gene turned slowly, his hands perpetually in his jacket twitching as he turned. Maggie stared into the gloom, giving a half nod and tilt to scampering shades as they spread across the garage....the sound of 20 firing pins waiting to release.

`Now, old friends, ,you wouldn`t jump at Carlos so quick, would you?` the figure in the doorway cautioned.

Gene smiled `Why Carlos Santana, you old sea-dog, where the hell have you been hiding?` Maggie laughed a little and turned to the corners of the garage in reassurance...sweeping back cobwebs, revealing the tiny smiling faces that make up Guns Gears Getaway.

`CARLOS!` They came at him as a roiling cloud of pulling hands and flashing teeth.

Carlos Santana, former leader of the GearJammers, settled in with the children...seeming suddenly smaller and more nimble...more childlike. Gene and Maggie watched as an epic tickle fight broke out in the G3 garage. Before it was over the sun had set, and someone...nobody was taking credit...had piddled all over the floor.

`Now that`s a proper hello, old friends.` Carlos sighed as the many fingered tickle monster crawled off to bed.

`It`s nice to see you again, Carlos.` Maggie said.

`What do you want?` Gene spat.

`Just to pay my bill, friends.` Carlos replied. He had changed, this Carlos. A year ago he was the toughest, meanest, rootin tootinist bad dude in the wastes. Known for a hands-on daring-do and a never-lose-a-man mentality, it had shocked the best gangs when Carlos, one day, just walked away from it all.

Carlos sighed, and settled into his chair deeply.

`This car, this piece of art, this fine visage of you Maggie, this is my gift to GearJammers, and I need you to deliver it with a message.`

`Where in Evan have you been, Carlos?` Gene demanded. `You bailed, man, you left, WTF was that?` Carlos just laughed.

`I was inspired, old, broken friend. I was inspired to have children. I escaped this pointless race and settled in the hills. That crop you`re running from Rorke`s to here? Mine. I`m an old farmer now, kids...whaddaya think of that?`

Maggie and Gene shared a look of utter contempt.

Maggie broke first, `So what? So here`s your car old dirt-leg. So what do you want?`

`Just deliver it to my old mates.` Carlos said with a grunt as he stood. `And tell em I said to keep it sticky side down and guns up, if you know what I mean.` he said with a wink.

---------------
Three days earlier:

`Boss, we have a problem.....`

`What more of a problem can you be right now?`
`Uhhh...... well.............uhhhh`
`OUT WITH IT!`

`......OK.....Well ...I.......Uhhhh...........We dont know where the Roadrunner is at the moment, BUT I have 5 gangers searching right now Boss, Our best scouts are on........`

`Are you telling me you LOST the Roadrunner?`

`Yessir`

Barton `Jerry` Garcia, current leader of the Gearjammers shook his head and shoved all of the papers off the desk toward the bad messenger.

`You have ONE mission in your pitiful life now.....` He said calmly, standing, moving around the table to stand beside the man cowering at the front of the table. He grabbed the ganger by the hair and slammed his head into the table, `FIND` slam `THAT` slam `CAR....slam....NOW!......

DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?!?!?! Barton said holding the woozy gangers head in his hands looking into his eyes.

Barton`s voice softened `FIND OUR ROADRUNNER NOW or dont come back!`.....`EVER!`

To be continued...


Floyd Salas of The 4saken died at Scattered Hills.


William `U Da Man!` Mannino of Shattered-n-Bloody died at Road to Elmsfield.


Dalila `Rocket-Girl` Haas of Mad Hatter, Inc. died at Lost Oasis.


Maria `the Cat` Harr of Justice Delivered died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Beau Duke of Hazzard County Legends died at Somerset Arena.


Robert Kessler of Hazzard County Legends died at Somerset Arena.


`Rosie-Mack` Rosario McCallister of The Paranoid Tourists died at Road to Somerset.


Raymond `O` Patrick of The Paranoid Tourists died at Somerset Dirt Racing Track.


Joseph Skelton of The Paranoid Tourists died at Somerset Dirt Racing Track.


`Murderous` Mark Thompson of The Paranoid Tourists died at Lost Trail: Broken Ground.


Willie `Billie` Berry of The Paranoid Tourists died at Lost Trail: Broken Ground.


David Roberts of Rising Sun died at Road to Somerset.


Mary Douglas of Rising Sun died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Claude Warren of The Paranoid Tourists died at Lost Trail: Broken Ground.


Richie Blackmer of Jackknife Armada died at Lost Oasis.


Steven `Scissors` Staley of Shattered-n-Bloody died at Road to Elmsfield.


Fred `Piggy` Brown of Shattered-n-Bloody died at Road to Elmsfield.


Larry Issa of The Underdogs died at Gates of Elmsfield.


`Lt` Jeff Vanauken of Ravenwood died at Somerset Arena.


`Rootin`Tootin` Tony Noonan of The Paranoid Tourists died at Blown With the Wind.


Christopher Wimer of MADHAT died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Sammie Juhl of The 4saken died at Once Upon a Town.


`Lord` Chris Touchstone of The Cosmic Kids died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Angelique `Angel` Smith of Justice Delivered died at Sandy.


Jose `EatsFastFood` Schatz of Longos Merry Men died at Forever Yellow Skies.


`Marine` Ryan Lejeune of Longos Merry Men died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Rickey Vanvalkenburg of Justice Delivered died at Road to Elmsfield.


Raul Johnson of Dementia died at Road to Somerset.


Waldo Yaeger of Dementia died at Road to Somerset.


James Alvarez of Justice Delivered died at Gates of Somerset.


Jim `Wins` Battles of Justice Delivered died at Blown With the Wind.


Richard `Dick` Gouin of Justice Delivered died at Road to Elmsfield.


Cristobal `The beam` Hubbard of Evan Courier Service died at Smokey Hills.


Steve `mutz` Utz of Evan Courier Service died at Maure Dore.


Mark Yopp of Iron Wraiths died at Gateway, The Bone.


Ernie Earnhardt of Paladins died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 1.


Linda Williams of Hazzard County Legends died at Scattered Grounds.


John `Black` Artis of Justice Delivered died at Road to Somerset.


Troy `Death` Carlisle of Justice Delivered died at Road to Somerset.


Isabel `Izzy` Hadden of Gearjammers died at Once Upon a Town.


Charles `Pimple` Whitehead of Gearjammers died at Once Upon a Town.


Greg `Ditch` Culver of Justice Delivered died at Lost Oasis.


Paul `Deep Tinker` Simpson of Weasel Works died at Road to Somerset.


James `Body Bag` Stinson of Shattered-n-Bloody died at Road to Somerset.


Arlen Brown of Shattered-n-Bloody died at Road to Somerset.


Tyrone `Mad Pimp` Howard of Shattered-n-Bloody died at Road to Somerset.


Vincent `Leopard` Jauregui of Shattered-n-Bloody died at Road to Somerset.


Karen Canterbury of Shattered-n-Bloody died at Road to Somerset.


Art Smith of Jackknife Armada died at Sandy.


Caryn Jones of Jackknife Armada died at Sandy.


`Mayday!` Marshall Mays of Geriatric Anarchists died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


Raymond `From the Hip` Blankenship of The Paranoid Tourists died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


`Skateboarding` Josh Dunklin of The Underdogs died at Gates of Somerset.


Frank `Happy Fun` Ball of Justice Delivered died at Blown With the Wind.


Robert `Wimpy Kid` Pesina of Longos Merry Men died at Maure Dore.


Matthew `Lefty` Sisco of The 4saken died at Scattered Grounds.


Stephen Cochran of The 4saken died at Scattered Grounds.


Justin Vaughn of The 4saken died at Scattered Grounds.


Brandon Petri of The 4saken died at Scattered Grounds.


Tracey `Macho` McGuire of The 4saken died at Scattered Hills.


Juan `Zerko` Grimes of Justice Delivered died at Scattered Hills.


Xuan `Pinky` Woo of Whiskey Runners died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


`Long` Lance Levine of Whiskey Runners died at Devils Fingers.


Venus `Pendragon` Mondragon of Slaythofens died at Somerset Arena.


Eugene Allen of Pale Riders died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Daniel Haggerty of Iron Wraiths died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Richard `Twin` Vickers of Slaythofens died at Elmsfield Southern Speed Circuit.


Lizeth `Lilith` Viles of Vigilante Knights died at Devils Fingers.


`Apocolypse` Brigette Storm of Vigilante Knights died at Devils Fingers.


`Bodyguard` Gwen Ralston of Vigilante Knights died at Devils Fingers.


`The Psycho` Princess Hurt of Vigilante Knights died at Southern Plateau.


Guy `The Fixer` Dice of Vigilante Knights died at Southern Plateau.


`Gunslinger` Vanessa Lane of Vigilante Knights died at Salt Flats Canyon.


Zachary `Abraham` Isaac of The Underdogs died at Road to Somerset.


Faith `Mrs. Maytag` Medrano of The Underdogs died at Road to Somerset.


Crystal `Ball` Arias of The Paranoid Tourists died at Southern Plateau.


`Diabolist` Moon Blood of Vigilante Knights died at Highway to Hell.


`Gunmage` Jalisa Ozuna of Vigilante Knights died at Once Upon a Town.


Brandi Blaise of Paladins died at Lost Oasis.


Gus Williams of The Paranoid Tourists died at Gateway Dry Lake Track.


Cortney Summers of Team Bansi died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Dale `Wheel Man` Turner of Ravenwood died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.



Slaythofens Win Northern Paintball League

The Northern Paintball League finished, with Slaythofens taking the overall victory and a prize of $25000. The runners-up were Luna Sea, and finishing in third place overall were Exalted.

Big Earners on the Track

This list shows just who has been winning the most lucrative prizes on the circuits and arenas of Evan, during the past month.

1. Holy Mutant Death Squad : $372687.
2. The 4saken: $320700.
3. The BAMFs: $282892.
4. Road Lords: $282467.
5. Slaythofens: $275418.

Fuel Shortage Spreads Across Evan!

Fill er up? Not anymore, if youre traveling across the Badlands of Evan. Gas supplies have evaporated, starting a few months ago in Gateway Truckstop and now spreading to the other major supply line along the north-south route, Badlands Truckstop. The remote town of Sarsfield reportedly just ran out of fuel on the market as well. Not to mention Firelight, which of course has no regular trade routes coming in anyway.

Pirates have been hijacking the fuel convoys rushing to aid the ailing markets in the arid wastelands. Vigilantes excel at keeping honest traders safe when they leave major ports such as Elmsfield and Sommerset, but Gateway and Sarsfield are all but unprotected. Badlands Truckstop has a strong vigilante presence, but pirates are biding their time until the trade caravans hit the open roads before striking.

These shortages are causing anything from slight concern to outright Doomsday-ism. `My son, this is retribution from the Lord telling us that even those of us who survived the Solar Apocalypse are doomed to eternal damnation for our sins,` said Warren Eisaman, the so-called Saint of Badlands.

To make matters worse, some individuals have taken out contract hits on trader gang leaders apparently in an effort to put chaos or fear into their ranks. One particular gang, formerly honest vigilantes, has become especially infamous filling these contracts.

Other vigilantes scoff at their efforts. `In a world full of bad...being bad ain`t so impressive...it just says you don`t have the **** to be different or have a code,` said the leader of Shattered-n-Bloody.

On the other side of the coin, some gangs have been hoarding gas since word of a shortage first made waves. Fortunately, few have tried to take advantage of the situation by charging outrageous prices. Sir Latte, leader of Lattes Raiders, recently extended an invitation for anyone in critical need of fuel to contact his gang for reasonable prices.

Whether this crisis will completely shut down trading between major cities remains to be seen. But, as long as it sells papers, the Gazette will continue to follow this story wherever it may lead!

Story by t0rp0r


Scorpions on the Rise:.... Continued

by J.D. Basher


The sand was too close to his mouth..... His arms swiped the sand away in wide arcs from his buried torso. `No` he gargled... The sand flowed over his arms and filled his nostrils, opening his mouth for breath, sand filled his throat.........and then....... He was looking at Sue`s face, not knowing where he was, gasping for breath.

`Easy... Take it easy, Mike... I`m here...` Sue whispered.

She kneeled next to him cradling his head and tried to hold his arms as still as possible.
His eyes focused on Sue... `That was a dream.....right?` He asked.....

She giggled.... `The lights are burning bright...` she softly slapped his cheek...... `Is anybody HOME?`

Mike grabbed her hand and took a deep breath..... `Yeah Sue..... Thanks` he said, pushing her away and rolling to a kneeling position in the tight confines of the small cave.....

`I`m ok now ...` He said, looking around. He could see the small `crevice` they were holed up in, a thin veil of vines between them and whatever made those sounds last night..

He felt uneasy....

Deathsport Leagues

As the year progresses, here are the leaders of the major leagues:

Evan Race Ladder - Lattes Raiders
Evan Deathrace Ladder - Slaythofens
Evan Arena Combat Ladder - Riotous Assembly
Evan Paintball Combat Ladder - Slaythofens

In addition, the leaders of the minor leagues are:

Northern Semi-Pro Combat League - Slaythofens
Northern Paintball League - Exalted



Albert 'The Tool' Bennett

We`re paying tribute to the legendary Albert 'The Tool' Bennett, a renowned mechanic from Ravenwood.
Current DW Gazette Editors: Sam, Hati, Racing Robbie, Bastille, Rezeak, SmokeyKilla.