Jan/Feb
2050
The World of Evan According to Basher:

This issue is dedicated to Forever yellow skies:

This twisty and well formed road allows for some nice high speeds if you are being chased by Pirates. There are some patches just off the packed `roadway` that can cause substantial damage to your tires if you slip off the road.


Image by Lord Foul


At combat speeds, however, those tire damaging patches wont give you any trouble. The natural cover of the hills around this map allows for some cunning tactics to be used. BUT! The terrain, made of hard packed sand/dirt, can be extremely slippery in spots making gaining the high ground more of a challenge than any Pirates you will encounter on this very challenging map!

Slaythofens Win Somerset Winter Warmup League

The Somerset Winter Warmup League finished, with Slaythofens taking the overall victory and a prize of $60000. The runners-up were Murphys Law, and finishing in third place overall were Porcias.

John Phillips of Paladins died at Somerset Arena.


Ronnie Chase of Justice Delivered died at Road to Somerset.


David `Bickell` Travis of Justice Delivered died at Road to Elmsfield.


Robert Harmer of Justice Delivered died at Road to Elmsfield.


`Rhymin` Simon Eckley of MADHAT died at Gates of Somerset.


Alfred `No` Weyand of Canis Lupus died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 3.


Michael Andrews of Astras died at Sandy.


David Padilla of the mad mad crushers died at Road to Somerset.


Richard Fisher of The Rip Riders died at Road to Elmsfield.


Ellen `bill me` Ripley of Street Pizza died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Barton `Jerry` Garcia of Gearjammers died at Pathway to Darkness.


Tyron `Barney` Barnes of Gearjammers died at Pathway to Darkness.


Amy `Snipe` Aldridge of Gearjammers died at Pathway to Darkness.


Bradley `The Filcher` Pilcher of Gearjammers died at Pathway to Darkness.


Reynaldo Hill of Justice Delivered died at Northern Farm Land.


Charles Ratliff of Justice Delivered died at Northern Farm Land.


Virginia Moore of Some Serious Slackers died at Road to Somerset.


Clemmie Shute of Some Serious Slackers died at Road to Somerset.


Jerry Speaks of The Chain Gang died at Road to Somerset.


Robert `Badaboom` Lonergan of The Chain Gang died at Road to Somerset.


Patricia `Unexploded It` Bocanegra of The Chain Gang died at Road to Somerset.


Albert Watts of Bladerunners died at Gates of Somerset.


Edmund `he`s` Pfarr of v.i.n.d.i.c.a.to.r.s. died at Maure Dore.


Sidney `Sid the Sloth` Hall of Scarzams Dragoons died at Gates of Somerset.


Scott `Slipstream` Meyer of Canis Lupus died at Northern Desert Circuit.


Nathan Figueroa of Nighttime Birds died at Somerset Arena.


Mason `Jar` Moore of Four Horsemen died at Road to Somerset.


Robert `Krispy Kreme` Crespo of Four Horsemen died at Road to Somerset.


Jason Lopez of Four Horsemen died at Road to Somerset.


Shane Saunders of Team Bansi died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Ernest Craig of Smoke Jaguars died at Once Upon a Town.


David Henry of Iron Wraiths died at Devils Fingers.


Tina `Aunty Entity` Turner of Ssnakes died at Somerset Arena.


See King of Some Serious Slackers died at Lost Oasis.


`Fightin`` Anne Rivera of The Underdogs died at Lost Trail: Overland.


Kenneth `Pieces Of` Reese of The Underdogs died at Lost Trail: Overland.


Martin `CHUCK` Norris of Longos Merry Men died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Gene Gray of Longos Merry Men died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Monica `Iron-Pants` Oaks of A-Takkers died at Somerset Arena.


`Dr.` Paul Killgore of Toecutters died at Gateway, The Trench.


Henry Hawkins of Pooks Prangksters died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Darren `Mr` Smith of BOB-BagOfBones died at Gates of Somerset.


`Tickle Me` Elmo Rodriques of Sons of Loathing died at Once Upon a Town.


Ernie Earnhardt of Paladins died at Road to Elmsfield.


Jacob Hodgson of Bladerunners died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Fannie Wells of Bladerunners died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


George Eldridge of Too Live Crew died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Josefina `Not a clue` Murray of Riotous Assembly died at Gateway, The Trench.


Kevin `The Man` Davis of Delta 88s died at Gates of Elmsfield.


Gary `Brother` Thomas of Shattered-n-Bloody died at Gates of Elmsfield.


Timothy Bell of I Piston Your Face died at Road to Somerset.


Angela Walker of Bastille died at Road to Somerset.


Danny Johnson of Hardwired died at Somerset Arena.


Mathilda Jackson of Jackknife Armada died at Road to Somerset.


Danika Patrick of Jackknife Armada died at Road to Somerset.


David Mills of Jackknife Armada died at Road to Somerset.


Bobbi `Ay-Tee` Gee of The Groove Champions died at Northern Farm Land.


Jake Green of Ravenwood died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Terry Gonzalez of CryptKeepers died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Bernardo Hance of Battle Royale died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 2.


Cindy Ford of Jackknife Armada died at Blown With the Wind.


Nelson `Guns` Hathaway of Delta 88s died at Gates of Somerset.


Keith Drake of The Underdogs died at Road to Elmsfield.


John `Cowardly` Chandler of The Underdogs died at Road to Elmsfield.


Tara `Pious` Pagan of The Underdogs died at Road to Elmsfield.


Micah `Burn `Em` Burnham of The Underdogs died at Road to Elmsfield.


Zachary Clark of The Underdogs died at Road to Elmsfield.


Jackie Reddick of The Groove Champions died at Road to Somerset.


Scott Nickels of Dementia died at Elmsfield Hills Rally Circuit.


Irma Williams of the mad mad crushers died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Gladys Morford of Highway Hellions died at Scattered Grounds.


Robert Allen of Paladins died at Elmsfield Southern Speed Circuit.


Philip Hedges of Highwaymen died at Sandy.


Juan Sanchez of Highwaymen died at Sandy.


`Ungrateful` In Dent of Drive Backwards BFFs died at Interstate Mythos.


Joshua Newman of The 4saken died at Scattered Grounds.


Phil `The Maverick` Martin of Death Storm Militia died at Somerset Arena.


Garret Purdy of CryptKeepers died at Somerset Dirt Racing Track.


Eugene `Hard` Sell of Produce_Vendors died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Agnes Rosa of Dementia died at Interstate Mythos.


Christopher Norwood of The Paranoid Tourists died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


`Contemptible` Clair Spahn of The Paranoid Tourists died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Virginia McMaster of The Paranoid Tourists died at Road to Gateway Truck Stop.


Cynthia Arredondo of MADHAT died at Pathway to Darkness.


Will Buster of Some Serious Slackers died at Blown With the Wind.


Whitney Carbone of the mad mad crushers died at Gates of Gateway Truckstop.


Tom Sumrall of Comstar died at Once Upon a Town.


Austin Powers of Street Pizza died at Gates of Somerset.


Bruce `Boomstick` Campbell of Street Pizza died at Gates of Somerset.


Larry `Nuclear` Winter of Street Pizza died at Gates of Somerset.


Don Vines of Dementia died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 3.


William `Solid` McKim of Delta 88s died at Road to Elmsfield.


Theodore `Guns` Eckert of Delta 88s died at Road to Elmsfield.


Alita Galli of Smoke Jaguars died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 3.


Duane `Path` Brown of Mad Hatter, Inc. died at Northern Farm Land.


Henry `Gunner` Litz of Mad Hatter, Inc. died at Northern Farm Land.


Eugene `Doc` Roe of Murphys Law died at Northern Desert Circuit.


Yolanda `Yo Momma` Miller of Road Lords died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


Deb `Da Bomb` Durand of Ravenwood died at Scattered Hills.


Sandra Quinton of Neverland died at Northern Speedway.


Jorge Florio of MADHAT died at Pathway to Darkness.


Vi Ginn of Too Beaucoup died at Gates of Somerset.


Doug Mack of 12th Street Bangers died at Somerset Rally Circuit.


Joel Seaman of The Underdogs died at Road to Elmsfield.


Alan Lynch of Ravenwood died at Scattered Grounds.


`General` Wilford Ash of Hazzard County Legends died at Somerset Arena.


Patricia Stanley of Greasy Bolts died at Lost Oasis.


Brian `The Man` Strader of The Cosmic Kids died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Henry Brink of The Cosmic Kids died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Lisa Carlson of The Cosmic Kids died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Alton `Hgat` Velasquez of The Cosmic Kids died at Gates of Badlands Truckstop.


Bob `>=------=<` Kohr of Drive Backwards BFFs died at Gates of Firelight.


Royce `We need more` Beers of Fish Heads died at Northern Farm Land.


Chelsea Jeffries of Blackwater CarPark died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 2.


George Waguespack of Too Live Crew died at Gates of Somerset.


`St.` Sharon Lopez of Dementia died at Northern Farm Land.


Michele Spina of CryptKeepers died at Devils Fingers.


Derek Anderson of CryptKeepers died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Priscilla Hazzard of CryptKeepers died at Forever Yellow Skies.


Kenneth Adams of Justice Delivered died at Road to Elmsfield.


Joseph `Mucho` Harmon of Justice Delivered died at Road to Elmsfield.


Joseph Wright of Justice Delivered died at Road to Elmsfield.


Eva Browning of Justice Delivered died at Road to Elmsfield.


Celeste `T Hill` Hooker of MADHAT died at Once Upon a Town.


Lillian Edwards of Bastille died at Scattered Hills.


Israel `Tank` Thomas of Bastille died at Scattered Hills.


Quiana Rodriquez of Jackknife Armada died at Road to Elmsfield.


Alyson Manus of Jackknife Armada died at Road to Elmsfield.


`Just` Joe King of The Paranoid Tourists died at Once Upon a Town.


Samuel Wadsworth of Highway Hellions died at Somerset`s Junkyard, Race Track 3.


Mistie Bailey of MADHAT died at Once Upon a Town.


`Madam` Earlene Rackley of Hazzard County Legends died at Northern Desert Circuit.


`Jinkies` Darin Jenkins of Dementia died at Telegraph Road.


`Sir` Joseph Billiot of Lattes Raiders died at Northern Speedway.


Angelica Aguilera of Paladins died at Gates of Somerset.


Mack `Lawn Mower` Mohr of Rebels died at Gates of Somerset.


Nancy `Dead-On` Delgado of CryptKeepers died at Gates of Somerset.


Amelia Carter of The Chain Gang died at Lost Oasis.


Juanita Campbell of Whiskey Runners died at Northern Farm Land.


Yer Dedmon of Some Serious Slackers died at Somerset Arena.


Edmund Pratt of Retribution Of Metal died at Gateway Dry Lake Track.


Ronald `El Rey` Kingston of Luna Sea died at Gateway Dry Lake Track.



Movers and $hakers

This list shows just who has been winning the most lucrative prizes on the circuits and arenas of Evan, during the past month.

1. The Panthers: $422089.
2. Drive Backwards BFFs: $362101.
3. Slaythofens: $328805.
4. Road Lords: $297925.
5. Iron Wraiths: $289884.

The Unsinkable Sharon Reyes



A dark alleyway. The depths of night. The best location and time for these types of transactions to take place.

`I got your next target,` said the first man.

The second man nodded coolly. `Lay it on me.`

`Sharon Reyes, leader of Honor or Death.`

The second man chuckled. `Your boss must have something against the trader gangs. Or, maybe hes a trader himself? Figures he can get rid of the competition this way?`

The first man was unmoved, finding no humor in the situation. `Do you want the job or not, Mr. Drake?`

Keith shrugged. `Sure, 15k for one kill seems a lot better than chasing 500 bounties in the Badlands to me. Who needs popularity anyway?`

*

Keith Drake watched his best scout in the lead of the squad, taking the same pattern he had done a dozen times before.

`What`s wrong, boss?` asked the gunner sitting next to him.

Keith shook his head noncommittally. `It`s nothing. The Dwarf is the best scout weve got. But he never varies his strategy. He never learns new tricks. Eventually, someone`s going to have to take over that position.`

The gunner returned a blank stare. `Still, we haven`t had an ambush in more scouts than I can remember.`

The CB on the dashboard crackled to life. `I think we got `em,` the voice on the radio said. `They`re following their usual route, like I expected. And I bet anything our target is with them.`

Keith picked up the CB, and broadcast to all cars in the squad. `OK, fellas and gals, let`s get ready. Camel Sopwith, I want you on the ball this time. I`m not letting her get away again.`

*

The sun glinted off metal in the valley far below. The Underdogs had been setting up for several minutes now, but Honor or Death had just realized they were being pursued.

The escort vehicles immediately did an about face, charging up the hill with as much power as they could muster. The two Apaches waiting at the top of the hill had plenty of time to line up their guns.

Bullets blazed down from above. Rocket fire returned from below, missing widely. `I hate rockets,` Keith grumbled. He had grudgingly allowed Micah to install a launcher in the rear of Samurai, their lead car, only to be used as a last resort if things got ugly.

A slow-moving Phoenix, shining bright in the intensely hot sun, came from over a side dune to join the fight. Its guns ripped into the side of the nearest trader pickup.

The bullet`s didnt do enough damage to take off the armor, but they visibly shook the driver. Another blast of gunfire from Samurai hit the engine, sending any thoughts of escape up in flames along with the engine itself.

Cotton Tail, the Phoenix, swerved to the right of the wreckage to help with the rest of the trader escorts, but Samurai stayed at the crest of the hill. `Keep firing,` Keith said with a scowl.

Another HoD vehicle spun out of control and flipped over, sending clouds of sand and black smoke into the air. Two figures emerged from the wreckage, clearly wounded but doing their best to retreat from the battle. `Take them out,` Keith commanded coolly.

`Jesus, boss, they`re still human beings,` said Tara, a medic as well as a gunner.

Keith glared back at her. `You can either follow my orders or you can walk back through the radiation yourself.`



The other gunner had already started firing, so the command was moot, anyway. Both the two traders fell to the ground in a bloody mess.

The CB sprung to life again. `Hey, boss, we caught up to the carrier van. Sharon`s driving - I can see her ugly mug from here.`

Keith hit the gas pedal. `I`ll be right there.`

In less than a minute, Keith caught up to Camel Sopwith, a lean Sunfire with a slick paint job. A carrier van sat sideways in a ditch, thin trails of smoke from its weapons and engine being blown away by the wind.

Keith pulled up alongside the Sunfire and came to a stop. He exited Samurai and walked up to Ryan Ringer Bell, the gunner. `Well?` Keith asked.

Ringer smiled. `I got her straight in the head this time. I saw her fall over in her seat just before the van went over into the ditch, and blood splattered everywhere.`

Keith walked methodically towards the wreck, his boots crunching the desert send noisily. He climbed the bottom of the van to get to the door and opened it to look inside. After a moment, he slammed it shut and dropped back to the ground. Wordlessly, he walked at the same slow pace back to Samurai, entered the vehicle, and slammed the door. The Apache lurched forward, then spun around and headed back towards the main group.

Ringer shook his head, face in disbelief. `How the hell does she keep doing that?`

*

Editor`s note: Sharon Reyes eventually died at the hands of The Underdogs, though at that time she had lost leadership of the gang due to her multiple injuries, and no longer had a bounty on her head.
Story and pics by t0rp0r
Current DW Gazette Editors: Sam, Hati, Racing Robbie, Bastille, Rezeak, SmokeyKilla.